Fatwa: # 7666
Category: Divorce
Country: United States
Date: 30th May 2003

Title

My husband uses very abusive language, beats me up and threatens to divorce me every time he is angry and thinks that he can use this as a disciplinary tool. What does Hadith say about this behaviour.

Question

My husband slaps me so hard that he bruises me if he perceives my tone of voice as rude or sarcastic or if I make a small mistake. He also keeps threatening me and telling me that he will divorce me and turn me out of the house every time he gets angry. (Although I don?t think that I am sarcastic or rude , I think he perceives it that way to justify his bad behavior). Also he uses a harsh tone of voice to talk to me and he is ill mannered and unkind to me on a daily basis. He also says things like you are of bad character and that you have a boyfriend and tries to apply "bhautan" on me and uses abusive words like "haramzadi.". I pray and I am a woman of good character, I clean, cook and do all the housework. He Is a hypocrite and he appears to be very religious in front of others and tries to quote hadiths to appear very knowledgeable and gets respect from people outside this way .He is very kind and good to other people out side the house but he is cruel and abusive towards me. What Does the Quran and Sunnah say about such behaviors. I want to know if I am justified in thinking that I should leave a man like this and take Khula? .

Answer

It+most+certainly+hurts+seeing+another+sister+going+through+the+pain+of+physical+and+verbal+abuse+and+unhappiness.+You+sound+as+if+your+confidence+and+self-esteem+is+broken.+From+what+you+say+is+inflicted+on+you%2C+is+most+certainly+unacceptable+in+Islaam.+In+fact+when+Zulm+%28oppression%29+is+inflicted+on+a+person%2C+your+duas+reach+Allah+Ta%3Fala+above+the+heavens+and+your+duas+are+surely+answered+even+if+not+immediately.+%0D%0A%0D%0AHowever+from+the+ayaats+recited+in+the+Nikah+khutba+%28from+the+Quraan%29%2C+strong+warning+is+given+to+the+believers+to+fear+Allah+and+not+to+do+things+that+would+displease+Him.+Furthermore+one+of+the+ayaats+instructs+men+%22to+treat+the+women+with+kindness%22+%28exemplary+character%2Fgood+conduct%29.+%0D%0A%0D%0AHowever+despite+the+instructions+and+warnings+in+the+Quraan+and+Hadith%2C+it+is+sad+that+man+persists+in+disobedience+to+his+Creator+and+harms+the+creation.+May+Allah+forgive+him+and+guide+him.+%0D%0A%0D%0ANevertheless%2C+there+are+possible+solutions.%0D%0A%0D%0AFirstly+assess+your+situation+%3F+have+you+thought+of+possible+options+to+stop+the+abuse%3F+Say+no%3F+Protect+your+self%3F+All+with+the+intention+of+firmly+stopping+%3F+not+fighting+back+neither+submitting+and+allowing+out+of+fear%3F+Try+but+ensure+that+you+are+near+on+exit+to+allow+easy+escape+and+inform+some+reliable+neighbour%2C+friend+or+family.+Alternately+seek+intervention+of+a+sound+balanced+just+family+member+from+your+side+to+speak+to+someone+on+his+side+to+jointly+put+a+stop+to+the+abuse+and+to+build+love%2C+care+and+family+bonding+between+you+both.+Seek+intervention+of+a+caring%2C+rightly+guided+Aalim.+%0D%0A%0D%0AAt+the+same+time+build+your+confidence+by+pondering+on+your+beauty+and+positive+qualities+Allah+Ta%3Fala+has+bestowed+you+with.+Beautify+yourself%2C+indulge+and+spoil+yourself+to+uplift+your+moods+eg.+Be+it+a+new+look+%28within+something+that+you+wanted+pleasing+to+you+etc.%29.%0D%0A%0D%0ABecome+strong+and+believe+you+are+good%2C+smart+and+beautiful.+Insha-Allah+your+husband+would+take+interest+in+this+new+positive+attitude+and+outlook.+%0D%0A%0D%0AShould+all+attempts+fail+perhaps+seek+temporary+separation+-+not+divorce+with+the+intention+of+some+elderly+family+member+or+Aalim.+Try+resolving+and+discussing+with+your+husband+possible+options+and+solutions+during+this+separation%2C+to+resolving+your+disputes+with+commitment.+%0D%0A%0D%0AHowever+if+you+still+consider+divorce%2C+look+at+long-term+outcomes+and+feasibility.+Would+you+manage%3F+What+is+the+need+to+separate%3F+Would+you+manage+financially%3F+How+would+you+manage%3F+What+about+effects+of+divorce+on+the+children%3F+Was+there+ever+a+time+that+your+husband+was+good+to+you+and+never+beat+you+up%3F+Is+there+then+a+possibility+that+he+could+change%3F+Is+he+having+an+affair%3F+Does+he+suffer+from+an+inferiority+complex%3F+Or+has+he+had+a+disturbing+past+or+unfortunate+experience%3F+Was+he+beaten+up+as+a+child+or+learnt+this+habit+from+his+father+or+other+family+members%3F+Is+there+a+financial+problem%3F+%0D%0A%0D%0AAfter+assessing+all+this+perhaps+with+more+information%2C+further+guidelines+can+be+given.+%0D%0A%0D%0AAnd+Allah+knows+best.+%0D%0A%0D%0AMay+Allah+Ta%3Fala+resolve+your+difficulties%2C+grant+you+the+great+reward+of+Sabr+that+you+have+made+and+are+making+and+grant+you+lifelong+happiness+in+this+world+and+the+next.+%0D%0A%0D%0AYou+most+certainly+may+contact+us+again.+Jazakallah+for+your+confidence+in+us.+%0D%0A%0D%0Aand+Allah+Ta%27ala+Knows+Best%0D%0A%0D%0A2SOCIAL+DEPT.%0D%0A%0D%0ACHECKED+AND+APPROVED%3A+Mufti+Ebrahim+Desai

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