Fatwa: # 46077
Category: Character, Morals (Akhlaaq)
Country:
Date: 13th October 2020

Title

Should I recover from my porn addiction before getting married?

Question

Salam SHeikh.

 

My question is regarding Marriage. 

 

A young person is addicted to pornography and struggling to quit and the content he's watching has been escalating further and further.

 

He wants to get married with the intention of going halal and trying to quit pornography and lead a good life.

Is he allowed to ask for a girls hand or should he quit porn before pursuing marriage?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

 

We take note of the contents of your email.

 

We commend the brother on his sincerity and good intentions to give up the filthy sin of watching pornography. We will address the brother in our answer.

 

Pornography is a technological form of fornication and a major sin.

 

Furthermore, pornography addiction could be worse than drug addiction. A drug addict could be rehabilitated and detoxified. Over time, the effects of drugs come out of his system.

 

In the case of a porn addict, the sight of porn pictures may remain in his heart and mind for a long time. At times, the sight remains whilst in Salaah or in other forms of Ibadat.

 

Pornography significantly distorts attitudes and perceptions about the nature of sexual intercourse.

These are merely the harms it causes to ones Dunya. The harms it causes to one’s Deen far outweighs this.

 

The negative consequences of pornography are too many to mention. In brief, it robs one of true human values and spirituality.

 

Quitting any addiction is difficult. It requires will power and restraint. Once someone makes up their mind to do/abstain from something, they will definitely achieve it. 

 

When dealing with the problem of pornography, you will have to focus on the root causes of your addiction to eliminate it. You will also have to build a firm determination to give it up with the Tawfiq (Divine Ability) of Allah Ta’ala.

After admitting that you have a problem, below are practical steps you should take to eliminate your addiction with the Divine Help of Allah Ta’ala who has power over all things:

  • Make a determined resolution to yourself that you will abstain from this vice in totality.
  • Control your thoughts. The desire to watch pornography begins in a person’s mind by lustful thoughts cast by Shaytan (the Devil). A person desires to watch pornography because he finds it interesting. If the thought of watching pornography comes to your mind, you should control your mind by eradicating the thought of pornography being interesting. The moment the desire to watch it enters your mind, you should think of it to be extremely harmful to watch. You must abhor watching pornography.
  • Stay far away from the danger of pornography. This means that you should take all necessary steps to remove the means of watching pornography before the desire comes to do so. If it is a picture or video stored on your computer, hard-drive, etc., delete it immediately. Also, if you have downloaded any pornography, delete all of it as well as your browsing history and bookmarks, and empty your cache. If it is on a CD or DVD, destroy it immediately. If it is the facility of adult programming on television, do everything possible to disconnect the service immediately. Get rid of all pornographic material in your home or office.
  • If you have wifi, get rid of it and use your mobile data instead. This would assist in limiting your usage of the internet.
  • If you are watching pornography on a computer, keep the computer in a place where there is no privacy for the user. Also, use the internet only when necessary. If you do not have anything useful to do on the internet, do not spend your time merely surfing through various websites. Rather turn off the computer and engage in some other useful activity.
  • Be proactive if the pornography is displayed unwillingly while browsing the internet. Close the window immediately. When you are browsing the internet, be a responsible individual and exercise restraint from all sites related to pornography in the slightest way.
  • Request elders or friends to invigilate your usage on the internet.
  • Imagine the disgrace and shame that will overcome you if your parents or teacher comes to know of the filthy act that you have done. Where would you hide your face if the entire public comes to know of the sin that you are involved in?
  • Before you sleep every night, think about death and how you will be buried in the grave with no-one to assist you and help you. Imagine Ghusl (pre-burial bathing) being done to you, you will then be enshrouded with the Kafn, people will be crying, the Janaza Salaah will be performed and then your body will be carried to the graveyard and then you will be buried in the depths of the ground. Who will be there to assist you on that day? Every day, take out some time before you go to sleep and think about death. Insha-Allah, this will remove the ghaflat (heedlessness) from your Nafs.
  • Keep yourself occupied at all times. When you are alone and have nothing to do, find something good to do. If you cannot find anything good to do when the evil thoughts come to mind, go outside and take a walk until the evil desire to watch pornography goes away. Keep a Tasbeeh in your pocket and whenever you have time and you are not really doing anything, take out your Tasbeeh and make Dhikr. Remember that “An idle mind is a devil’s workshop”.
  • Meditate about death every night before you sleep and the stages of life after death.
  • Identify a suitable spiritual-guide to assist you.
  • See a counsellor as this is a deep-rooted obsession.

Remain firm and resolute in your quest. Never give up hope. Always, keep trying. Never give way to the subtle whisperings of Shaytan. At first, refraining from sins might be extremely difficult, but after constant struggle and punishing of the Nafs, the Nafs will finally become tamed and then you will feel pleasure in refraining from sins. Insha’Allah, one day Allah (Ta’ala) will open up his treasures of Ma’rifat and Mahabbah to you. Aameen.

 

Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) says:

 

وَالَّذِينَ جَاهَدُوا فِينَا لَنَهْدِيَنَّهُمْ سُبُلَنَا وَإِنَّ اللَّهَ لَمَعَ الْمُحْسِنِينَ

 (سورة العنكبوت – آية 69)

Translation: “And those who strive to attain our pleasure; we shall definitely guide them to our paths” 

(Surah Ankabut – Verse 69)

 

In the above verse, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) promises those who make an effort to gain the love of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala). The promise of Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) will definitely come to pass, there can be no doubt about that. All that is required is that we continue striving in this path and we will surely attain the Ma’rifat of Allah (Ta’ala).

 

Seek protection in Allah Ta’ala from Shaytan when he whispers the evil desire of watching pornography in your heart. If after taking all steps to distance yourself from pornography, the desire comes to watch it, recite immediately:

أَعُوذُ بِاللهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ

I seek protection in Allah Ta’ala from Shaytan (the Devil) the accursed.

 

لَا حَوْلَ وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللَّهِ الْعَلِيِّ الْعَظِيْمِ

There is no strength (to ward off evil) and there is no power (to do good) except by Allah Ta’ala,

the Most High, the Great.

 

If you ever do watch pornography out of weakness, feel guilty and remorseful. Make sincere Tawbah

(repentance) from your heart and turn towards Allah Ta’ala. Plead to Him to save you from the evil of your soul and the plots of Shaytan (the Devil). Even if you repeat the sin of watching pornography again and again, do not let the day pass until you have not made Tawbah (repented) for the sin.

 

Develop the quality of Taqwa (consciousness of Allah Ta’ala) within you. This is achieved by performing all your Salah punctually, reciting Qur’ān often, making Dhikr of Allah Ta’ala and performing other virtuous actions.

 

Adopt the company of the pious people. Befriend the Ulama of your locality, remain close to them and take benefit from their discourses.

 

 

Go out for some time in Tabligh (in the Path of Allah Ta’ala to propagate Din). By changing your environment, you will automatically abhor the sin of pornography and you will eventually find it easy to refrain from it.

 

Supplicate to Allah Ta’ala often to help you to overcome your weakness. True power to save yourself from all sin is only from Allah Ta’ala. In your supplications, recite the following Dua, keeping in mind its meaning when reciting it:

 

اَللَّهُمَّ حَبِّبْ إِلَيْنَا الإِيمَانَ، وَزَيِّنْهُ فِي قُلُوبِنَا، وَكَرِّهْ إِلَيْنَا الْكُفْرَ وَالْفُسُوقَ وَالْعِصْيَانَ، وَاجْعَلْنَا مِنَ الرَّاشِدِينَ

 

Oh Allah! Make Imaan beloved to us and beatify it in our hearts, and make disbelief, sinfulness and disobedience detestable to us, and make us from amongst the rightly-guided ones.

 

Brother, the addiction of pornography is an addiction that has destroyed many marriages. Our advice is that you seek the assistance of a counsellor or psychologist in order to determine when it is safe for you to get married. May Allah make it easy for you.

 

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Mohamed Ebrahim bin Ismail Abdullah

Student - Darul Iftaa

Pietermaritzburg, KZN, South Africa 

Checked and Approved by,

Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

24-02-1442|12-10-2020

 

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