Fatwa: # 44882
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Date: 22nd June 2020

Title

I feel strongly about marrying this person - How do i make a decision?

Question

Asalamualikum. I hope Allah has kept you in good health. I am in love with this guy (Majid) and I wish to make our love halal and have our Nikkah. He’s perfect for me in every way - deen, character, personality, job, education. We’re so alike as if we’re the same person and instantly when I met him, I felt as if we knew each other and connected straight away. The feeling was mutual and without even discussing it with the other, we knew that we want to spend the rest of our lives together because there was just something special there. I told my father about this since he’s my wali however, he was completely against the proposal due to the fact that I initially hid Majid from him. I apologised to him for this however he doesn’t even want majid’s name mentioned. Since this, I have performed istikhara 3-4 times to see if majid truly is the one for me and if I should stick to my ground about marrying him. If I should then I would love Allah’s guidance with me. The first time I performed istikhara, I clearly saw green and white in my dream. I’m aware the dreams do not fully determined the answer. The next couple of times after this, when I performed istikhara I have had such a strong feeling in my heart that I need to get married to majid. Like my heart strongly desires/needs this. Sometimes this feeling is slightly overpowered with a fear of ‘what if my dad never agrees’. Even when I make dua during tahajjud or any other time, or even ask for a sign - this strong feeling comes back again. Just recently, my parents have started talking about my brothers wedding which opens up the opportunity for them to go to the country in which majid lives. My mum supports us but is unable to directly speak to my father about this currently. Is this a positive sign? If you can’t help, would you be able to direct me to anyone who will be able to help? JazakAllah. May Allah bless you immensely

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

It is natural for a person to love and give their heart to someone. However, we need to be very careful to whom we give our heart. It appears from your question that Majid lives in another country and you have just been in contact remotely.  If this is correct, we advise that you control your emotions and do not love him unconditionally until your family meets him and you get references about him. It is very common these days for people to a have totally different personality online and have another personality offline.

We suggest that you immediately stop all forms of communication with Majid.  It is not permissible to talk to him until you are married. You want the help and mercy of Allah Ta'ala. This cannot be attained whilst going against the commands of Allah Ta'ala. It will be a very difficult decision to make. Take up the courage and place your trust in Allah Ta'ala.

Speak to your father and apologize again. Tell him you admit that you erred. Explain to him the feelings you have for Majid and you feel that you'll be happy with him. Perhaps ask someone senior in the family or the  community to speak to him. Ask him what are his concerns and what does he want you to do to fix things. 

Repent to Allah Ta'ala for having a relationship out of nikah. We all faulter and sin but the best sinner is the one who repents. We are human and make mistakes. Allah Ta'ala is most merciful and loving and is waiting for us to turn back to Him.

Make lots of dua, especially now during Ramadhan, for Allah Ta'ala to guide you to that which is best. Pour your heart out and speak to Allah Ta'ala.  Ask Allah Ta'ala to open the way to goodness and grant you happiness and contentment. 

Clear your mind and heart off from Majid and then do istikhara again. Do not let your feelings for him direct your istikhara.  

Recite in abundance Ya Badi 'al 'ajaibi bilkhair Ya Badi' 

Also recite Durood Sharif in abundance 

May Allah Ta'ala open your way soon and grant you a blissful marriage. Ameen

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Mufti Ishaaq Moosa

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

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