Fatwa: # 44356
Category: Psychological and Social
Country:
Date: 17th March 2020

Title

What should a woman do in the case where she wants to get married?

Question

Assalamualikum Wa Rahmatullah 

What should a woman do in the case where she is in age for marriage but parents are not getting her married? 

I'm 24yr old will turn 25 in couple months. Im studying sharia course and am near completion of Daura hadith. Taking lessons from my elder siblings who caused many difficultys and hurt to my parents, I stayed away from Haram for the sake of Allah and always wanted a halal relationship and no longer want to wait anymore. But my parents and elder siblings tho they know Im of age and have constantly gave them notice to make arrangements for my marriage, they are not taking me seriously and are willing to delay as long as possible. They never listen to me and dismiss and disregard my feelings and needs. 

I'm beautiful chaste and innocent. Any man would be happy to have me as a wife. There were many situations I had opportunity to serve myself but I always refrained. Unfortunately, waiting on my family is not helping me nor are they willing to help. Everyone is thinking of themselves. My mom wants me to help raise my sisters children who's having twins. She wants me to take classes with my younger brother in college so it's easier for him. But noone cares about how I feel and what I want.  

In this situation, do my parents have more right over me to listen and serve them? Or who do I speak to to make arrangements for my marriage? Would that be appropriate for me? What should I do? Constantly stressing about these things is also having negative impact on my behavior towards my parents and family and less focus in studies as well

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister in Islam,

In principle, it is the duty of the father to marry off his daughter once she is of a marriageable age. Marriage is the best way of protecting one’s chastity. If the daughter expresses desire for marriage, the father is responsible to actively search for a suitable match for his daughter.

Consider the following Ahadith,

عن عبد الله بن عمر رضي الله عنهما، أنه: سمع رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول: كلكم راع ومسئول عن رعيته، فالإمام راع وهو مسئول عن رعيته، والرجل في أهله راع وهو مسئول عن رعيته(صحيح بخاري:2409)

Translation: The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has mentioned: “Each of you is a shepherd and each is responsible (will be held questionable) for his flock. The ruler is a shepherd and in charge of his flock. A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible (will be held questionable) for his flock.” (Sahih Bukhari: 2409)

عن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: " في التوراة مكتوب: من بلغت ابنته اثنتي عشرة سنة ولم يزوجها فأصابت إثما فإثم ذلك عليه. رواهما البيهقي في شعب الإيمان"  (مشكاة المصابيح: 2/ 939)

Translation: The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has mentioned:" It is written in the Tourah: That father whose daughter reaches the age of maturity and he does not get her married(after finding a suitable match) then, if she commits any immoral act(Zina) then the sin will be on him(the father)."(Mishkat:939/2)

You state that you have spoken to your parents but to no avail. We advise you to approach an Aalima (preferably one of your teachers) and express your wishes to her. She may then approach your parents and advise them accordingly.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Ahmad Patel

Student Darul Iftaa

South Africa

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

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