Fatwa: # 43551
Category: Psychological and Social
Country:
Date: 5th November 2019

Title

In search of an ideal husband

Question

Assalam o Alaikum Wa Rehmatullahi Wa Barakatuh!!
I'm a 24 year old muslimah and have been getting proposals for the marriage
from different families. I was confused to what should I look for in my
potential partner.From a hadith of bukhari I got that one should marry for
these four things: Deen, Good looks, wealth or lineage and should prefer deen
on all of these
.
I myself Allhumdulillah belong to religious family, with my parents efforts
and Allahs blessing i pray all my 5 prayers and try my best to follow the
orders of Allah and His beloved Prophet.
These proposals I got includes men from good families and financially stable
( might not be very wealthy ) and some have good looks too but the most
important thing that I wanted in my spouse which is Religious is missing.
One of them prays 4 times a day but doesn't have good looks. Others have good
looks but are not religious.
Is the one who prays 4 times is my best choice? or should I turn all of these
proposals down and wait for someone who is religious?
When I talked about the looks of that person to my mother that I don't want
someone who is handsome but at least someone i'm attracted to. to that she
said "at least he prays 4 times a day look around yourself its hard to find
anyone who prays at all"
I'm so confused please guide me in this regard. Should I choose the one who is best in deen or should I wait?
  Assalam o Alaikum!

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister in Islam,

It is of immense pleasure to note your enthusiasm in trying to follow the guidelines of Shariah in choosing a potential husband for yourself.

Indeed, marriage is one of the most important aspects of one’s life. Who you get married to is immensely important in determining the happiness of your life. However, finding an ideal spouse is the most difficult part in a marriage to begin with. Although there does not exist a Mr Perfect, there is always a good possibility of finding a compatible soul mate if you are aware of what you need, like and give preference to.

Sister, though you have the full right to make your selection based on your likings, it is essential that you also have realistic expectations of what to look for in your future husband. If you over-specify your criteria, set prerequisites that are scarce, then you may find it challenging to find someone who meet up with your requirements. At the same time, it does not mean that you don’t set high standards. Marriage is a decision on which your entire future depends and thus, your decision making should highly be based on your own self-interest. Nonetheless, a balanced approach towards choosing the right spouse will make things easier for you.

The hadith you refer to is this:

قَالَ ‏ "‏ تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لأَرْبَعٍ لِمَالِهَا وَلِحَسَبِهَا وَجَمَالِهَا وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ ‏"‏‏. 

Translation: The Prophet () said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So, you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be unsuccessful. (Sahih al-Bukhari 5090) 

Shariah has clearly prioritised Deen over any other trait or quality. Therefore, the first thing we should look for when getting married is how committed the person is to Islam. Conversely, it does not mean that other qualities are to be ignored altogether. Compatibility, chemistry, attraction, looks, conduct etc all play major roles in building a healthy marriage. Ignoring any of these may lead to a marital break down. Additionally, settling with a person who has all the 4 qualities, even if they are not at par, is better than getting married to someone who possesses only one quality. You should definitely marry someone who is religious and upright but at the same time not entirely compromise on other aspects and qualities that are often looked for in an ideal husband.

As far as your question is concerned with regards to the proposal from the person who prays 4 times a day, we cannot comment on that. This is because Salah alone is not Deen in its entirety. There may be people who perform Salah but are not considerate in fulfilling rights of people. Such an attitude can be detrimental to marriage. There are other features of Deen that should also be considered before one makes a firm judgement about someone. A person who is humble, soft-hearted and has a good character is also Deen and is a strong consideration for marriage. Such a person will pay heed to advise on practicing Deen with the right influence and counsel. As for the physical appearance, it completely rests upon your perception and standards of good looks. Seek counsel (mashwara) of your elders and speak to them about what you feel. They know you best and they are the most appropriate people to judge what is good for you. Also make Istikhara until you attain certainty on the matter. In the meantime, attach yourself with Allah Ta’ala through zikr and Salah.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Naved Akhtar Ibn Shabbir.

Student - Darul Iftaa

Shillong, India. 

Checked and Approved by,

Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

 

 

 

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