Category: Marriage & Divorce
Fatwa#: 41320
Asked Country: India

Answered Date: Nov 24,2018

Title: My age is increasing, and I am really worried about my marriage, please, guide me how to proceed further?

Question

Assalamu alaikum, Respected Mufti Sahab, I have few doubts concerning marriage. I had asked marriage question previously. Please refer fatwa no. 40837 for better understanding. My parents and sisters are looking for a girl for me to get married. They saw a girl which was through a middle man (motasha). The girl is not very beautiful nor very ugly. She is 30 yrs of age as her parents say and I am 36 years of age but I am looking a little younger girl of 25 to 28 years of age. When asked why there was so late in her getting married they said due to studying. They showed me her photo which they captured in mobile . But I after seeing the photo did not like the girl as I felt she was not attractive and charming to me. My father also did not like the girl and my mother was also not very happy but one of my sister says she is ok not to ugly or bad. I told my parents and sisters that I do not want a very beautiful girl but a religious girl who is a little beautiful so that she is attractive to me. I personally feel that I have to live with her for the whole life day and night and  if  she is not charming or attractive or appealing to me then after marriage I might fall into haram relation with other girl who is beautiful.

Also I am tall and she is shorter than me which looks a little odd.  But she is well educated  in English and she has deeni taleem also. She is also religious as told by her family . Her family is also very good and with religious environment and they are wealthy also but I and my family are not so wealth. Mean while I am jobless and doing a part time job and the girls family know about it but then also the girls family is willing to get her married to me. My age is also increasing and my beard is getting whiter day by day I am all the more worried, though I am reading the duas and trying for better proposal.

I did istekhara myself as prescribed in books but I could not gather any information and saw some dreams which I do not remember vividly. Sometime I feel yes go ahead and the other time I feel no do not go ahead with it after pondering over the above issues. I did istekhara for 7 days and the again I stated and repeated the istekhara for more 5 to six days but could not get any result or my heart was not showing any clear inclination. I was confused. What to do now and for how many days should I keep on doing it. More over I also did mashwara (consultation) with parents, my brother in-laws, my jamat colleague etc but could not reach to a final decision. Please tell me should one go only after istekhara or shold consultation be done also.

But if istekhara says one thing and after consultation the views of people are different than istekhara then there will be more confusion. Please guide me how to go about it. What are the correct procedure and guideline.

 

Secondly, I got a proposal nearly 2 years back but I was thinking of settling first and getting good income then I will marry. So that proposal was gone. Now I regret that why I left the proposal. Can it be that, that proposal was for me and my fate and I rejected it  and now I am suffering. Is that Allah is angry with me for rejecting the proposal. Now I am looking for a job for 6 month but not successful in getting a good job so working as a part time.

Please pray for me for my job and especially for my marriage for suitable spouse, how to go for or chose a life partner.

Jazzak Allah!

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

We take note of your previous question.

 

 

Brother, you mentioned that after seeing the girl, you and your parents did not like the girl in reference. You made Istikharah after seeing the girl. You also did mashwara in your decision-making procedure. You could not make a decision.

 

There is no need for you to get depressed if you decide not to get married to the girl in reference. You performed Istikhara and if you still have reservations, it was correct for you not to proceed.

 

We do not know why exactly you are unable to find a suitable spouse up till now. If you have adopted all possible and permissible means to get married, then you did what was within your means. Continue with that and leave the rest to Allah. You may adopt more means through family and friends to find a suitable spouse.

 

You may also read the following article written by Mufti Faraz ibn Adam on how to find a suitable spouse,

 

http://darulfiqh.com/how-do-i-find-the-perfect-spouse/

 

In the meanwhile, make dua to Allah to guide you to whatever is best for you with a sincere heart and with the full assurance and adopt all possible means to find a suitable marriage partner. May Allah grant you a most compatible wife. Ameen.

 

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Rabiul Islam

Student Darul Iftaa
Detroit, Michigan, USA

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

  http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/40837

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