Category: Basic Tenets of Faith
Fatwa#: 40882
Asked Country: United Kingdom

Answered Date: Aug 24,2018

Title: Wife staying with in-laws

Question

asalalmalakum

my son has been married for now coming onto 11 months.

my issue is very complex, but in short my son married a girl and before any communication was made with the girls family through the process of an intermedia my son was honest and open about his wish to live with parents and the same would like his prospective wife to do.

this was said to the girls family in open and honest manner even before my son's first meeting with the prospective wife and again the same was mwentioned to the girl by my son that if living in same town as parents then son will be living at home but only if and when if for work reasons son had to move to diffrent town would he then move away from parents.

for first 2 months the girl was all good and showed she was settling in but after 2 moths to the current time matters have changed. when asked over the moths of trying to assure the girl and making her feel at home, the exuses given were the medication (the pill she took)in the early motnhs are having a side affect on her mood, also she is having difficulty letting go of her parents who are also in the same town, noting that she is an alima she understands more about deen than the husbands family.

 

it has now been identified that all her actions and excuses were simply the girls way of wanting to separate from living with inlaws. the home enviroment is my son occupy there own living floor in the house with there own bathroom and we have only asked that she tries to live with us with every one in the house being reasonable to each othewr. (rather asking for ones rights better to try and fulfill the rights of others first to make the wheels of this relationship work.

 

my question is my son does not want to move away from his parents as he is the only son living with the parents with a sister who is 22 (who will marry soon ) and a younger sister who is age of 13 living in a 5 bedroom house with 3 bathrooms., as my son feels the manner in which the girl has gone about in forcing the circumstance to separate is like holding a gun to my sons head.  additionally my son feels if he gives in to the deman of the gir then in future she can demand unlimted request.

 

what rights does my son have to refuse the request of his wife to separate    

Answer

In the Name of Allaah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salaamu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullaahi wa-barakaatuh.

Brother in Islaam,

We take note of the contents of your query.

In principle, it is the right of the wife to have a separate place of living, away from her in-laws, according to the financial status of the husband. If she forfeits this right of hers at the time of marriage or in the initial stages of the marriage, she may demand her right at a later stage when she changes her mind[1].

As a senior of the family, you should win the confidence of your daughter-in-law and assist her in making her comfortable to the best of your ability[2].

We advise you to discuss the issue with her in a loving and caring manner and identify her reason of wanting to live separately. Perhaps, she has a valid reason. Allow your son and daughter-in-law to discuss the issue and come to a conclusion.

 

And Allaah Ta’aala Knows Best.

Muajul I. Chowdhury

 

Student, Darul Iftaa

Astoria, New York, USA

 

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

 


[1]  الدر المختار شرح تنوير الأبصار (ص: 262)

(وكذا تجب لها السكنى في بيت خال عن أهله) سوى طفله الذي لا يفهم الجماع وأمته وأم ولده (وأهلها) ولو ولدها من غيره (بقدر حالهما).....

وفي البحر عن الخانية: يشترط أن لا يكون في الدار أحد من أحماء الزوج يؤذيها

 

حاشية ابن عابدين (رد المحتار) (3/ 599)

(قوله وكذا تجب لها) أي للزوجة السكنى أي الإسكان، وتقدم أن اسم النفقة يعمها؛ لكنه أفردها؛ لأن لها حكما يخصها نهر (قوله خال عن أهله إلخ) ؛ لأنها تتضرر بمشاركة غيرها فيه؛؛ لأنها لا تأمن على متاعها ويمنعها ذلك من المعاشرة مع زوجها ومن الاستمتاع إلا أن تختار ذلك؛ لأنها رضيت بانتقاص حقها هداية......

قلت: وفي البدائع: ولو أراد أن يسكنها مع ضرتها أو مع أحمائها كأمه وأخته وبنته فأبت فعليه أن يسكنها في منزل منفرد؛ لأن إباءها دليل الأذى والضرر ولأنه محتاج إلى جماعها ومعاشرتها في أي وقت يتفق لا يمكن ذلك مع ثالث؛ حتى لو كان في الدار بيوت وجعل لبيتها غلقا على حدة قالوا ليس لها أن تطالبه بآخر. اهـ فهذا صريح في أن المعتبر عدم وجدان أحد في البيت لا في الدار.

 

تنقيح الفتاوى الحامدية (1/ 481)

( سئل ) في امرأة رجل ساكنة معه في داره وأولاده الصغار من غيرها الذين لا يفهمون الجماع ثم امتنعت من السكنى معهم وطلبت مسكنا على حدة فهل ليس لها ذلك ؟

( الجواب ) : نعم قال في شرح التنوير وكذا تجب لها السكنى في بيت خال عن أهله سوى طفله الذي لا يفهم الجماع وأمته وأم ولده .

 

تبيين الحقائق شرح كنز الدقائق (3/ 58)

قال - رحمه الله - (والسكنى في بيت خال عن أهله وأهلها) أي تجب لها السكنى في بيت ليس فيه أحد من أهله، ولا من أهلها إلا أن يختارا ذلك لأن السكنى حقها إذ هي من كفايتها فتجب لها كالنفقة، وقد أوجبها الله تعالى مقرونا بالنفقة بقوله {أسكنوهن من حيث سكنتم من وجدكم} [الطلاق: 6] أي وأنفقوا عليهن من وجدكم، وهكذا قرأها ابن مسعود، وإذا كان حقا لها فليس له أن يشرك غيرها فيها كالنفقة، وهذا لأن السكنى مع الناس يتضرران بها فإنهما لا يأمنان على متاعهما، ويمنعهما من الاستمتاع والمعاشرة إلا أن يختارا ذلك لأن الحق لهما فلهما أن يتفقا عليه

 

شرح الوقاية (5/ 104)

(ويجب سكناها في بيت ليس فيه أحد من أهله، ولو ولده من غيرها برضاها، وبيت مفرد من دار له غلق كفاها.

 

[2]  تبيين الحقائق شرح كنز الدقائق (3/ 58)

قال - رحمه الله - (ولهم النظر، والكلام معها) أي لأهلها أن ينظروا إليها، ويتكلموا معها أي وقت شاءوا، ولا يمنعهم من ذلك لما فيه من قطيعة الرحم، وليس عليه في ذلك ضرر، وقيل لا يمنعهم من الدخول والكلام معها، وإنما يمنعهم من القرار لأن الفتنة في اللباث وتطويل الكلام، وقيل لا يمنعها من الخروج إلى الوالدين، ولا يمنعهما من الدخول عليها في كل جمعة

 

 

 

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