Category: Character, Morals (Akhlaaq)
Fatwa#: 40449
Asked Country: United States

Answered Date: Aug 17,2018

Title: Can i talk to a girl i find attractive?

Question

Assalamu Alykum,

I am a 14 and a half yr old boy in the US in California. Recently my cousins came from overseas from India and we went to meet them in a resteraunt. Now I have never seen them before. But there was this one girl, she was my same age and she was mashallah beautiful. My thought immidiately came full with thoughts and desires. I wanted to go up to her and talk to her but i didnt get the courage. MY question is how can I talk to her if I can? Or do i refrain from her

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

I am pleased to know that you are a young boy of 14 living in America and you are concerned about what is permissible for you in Deen and what is prohibited.

Consider the glad tidings for you stated in the following hadith:

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ "‏ سَبْعَةٌ يُظِلُّهُمُ اللَّهُ فِي ظِلِّهِ يَوْمَ لاَ ظِلَّ إِلاَّ ظِلُّهُ الإِمَامُ الْعَادِلُ وَشَابٌّ نَشَأَ بِعِبَادَةِ اللَّهِ وَرَجُلٌ قَلْبُهُ مُعَلَّقٌ فِي الْمَسَاجِدِ وَرَجُلاَنِ تَحَابَّا فِي اللَّهِ اجْتَمَعَا عَلَيْهِ وَتَفَرَّقَا عَلَيْهِ وَرَجُلٌ دَعَتْهُ امْرَأَةٌ ذَاتُ مَنْصِبٍ وَجَمَالٍ فَقَالَ إِنِّي أَخَافُ اللَّهَ ‏.‏ وَرَجُلٌ تَصَدَّقَ بِصَدَقَةٍ فَأَخْفَاهَا حَتَّى لاَ تَعْلَمَ يَمِينُهُ مَا تُنْفِقُ شِمَالُهُ وَرَجُلٌ ذَكَرَ اللَّهَ خَالِيًا فَفَاضَتْ عَيْنَاهُ ‏"‏ ‏

Abu Huraira reported that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) had said:

Seven are (the persons) whom Allah would give protection with His Shade on the Day when there would be no shade but that of Him (i. e. on the Day of Judgment, and they are): a just ruler, a youth who grew up with the worship of Allah; a person whose heart is attached to the mosques; two persons who love and meet each other and depart from each other for the sake of Allah; a man whom a beautiful woman of high rank seduces (for illicit relation), but he (rejects this offer by saying):" I fear Allah" ; a person who gives charity and conceals it (to such an extent) that the right hand does not know what the left has given: and a person who remembered Allah in privacy and his eyes shed tears.[1]

 

In light of the above hadith you should strive to secure a place for you under the throne of Allah. Control your desires for the pleasure of Allah.

You are a young boy growing up. There is a biological change in you. You will feel attracted to girls. It is natural. However, the challenge is to suppress that feeling for the pleasure of Allah. Never pursue those feelings or else you will end up in haraam. When you suppress that feeling, it will create spiritual strength in you. Once a male controls his intimate feelings, he is in control of his life and his objective of life. Women and desires have ruined many people. Furthermore, you will attain the sweetness of Iman.

عَنْ أَنَسٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ ثَلاَثٌ مَنْ كُنَّ فِيهِ وَجَدَ حَلاَوَةَ الإِيمَانِ أَنْ يَكُونَ اللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُ أَحَبَّ إِلَيْهِ مِمَّا سِوَاهُمَا، وَأَنْ يُحِبَّ الْمَرْءَ لاَ يُحِبُّهُ إِلاَّ لِلَّهِ، وَأَنْ يَكْرَهَ أَنْ يَعُودَ فِي الْكُفْرِ، كَمَا يَكْرَهُ أَنْ يُقْذَفَ فِي النَّارِ ‏"‏‏

Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Whoever possesses the (following) three qualities will have the sweetness of faith (1): The one to whom Allah and His Apostle becomes dearer than anything else; (2) Who loves a person and he loves him only for Allah's Sake; (3) who hates to revert to atheism (disbelief) as he hates to be thrown into the Fire."[2]

Never trust your nafs, the inner-self. If butter is placed near fire, it will melt. Likewise if you go near females, you would melt. Therefore keep yourself away from females to the best of your ability to avoid your feelings being aroused by them.

As a young boy, we advise you to listen to the commentary of Qaseedah Burdah by Mufti Ebrahim Desai Saheb (Hafizahullah):

https://daruliftaa.net/qaseeda-burdah/

We hope the commentary will inspire you.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Aboobakr Siddeeq bin Mufti Amjad Mohammad

Student Darul Iftaa

Azaadville, JHB, South Africa

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

 


[1]  صحيح مسلم – كتاب الزكاة

 [2] صحيح البخاري – ٦٩٤١

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