Category: Society and Culture
Fatwa#: 40073
Asked Country: Germany

Answered Date: Feb 28,2018

Title: Friends constantly belittle me.

Question

I'm going through a very depressed and distressed time for a long time, I stay with friends in college, my friends are good people but there is one or two out of my ten college friends giving me a very hard time. They know I struggle with some personal issues at home ect, yet they like to make me feel horrible, saying my cousin is a slut/whore, one told me he hopes she is raped, another said my whole family is weak and that my family is messed up when I know all of this is complete lies, one of the guys I've not liked for a long time but we stay with the same people so it is hard to avoid him, he likes to humiliate me and speak to me with filth,he was the one who wished rape on my cousin sister. He is much bigger than I am and has far too much strength and social power against me so I can't physically fight back, he degrades me to a point its become a hobby for him to be horrible to me, he never speaks to me with an ounce of respect, he enjoys seeing me in pain, he enjoys when I'm going through a bad time and likes to make his own fun out of my problems, he's made me miserable for two years, but what angers me the most hes treated me with such filth yet everything good comes to him? Everyone likes him, he is respected in my group of friends, his family is respected which makes his ego high, in short terms he is an absolute bully and takes no consideration for others feelings and shows no remorse yet everything good seems to happen to him. In the past I have tried to get along with him, I've tried ignoring him completely and I have tried to be nice to him but he continues to make my life miserable to a point I don't like talking to people, I don't trust nobody, and I don't like being in big crowds Because Im worried I will be left humiliated infront of my peers. This is all over whelming considering I've never done ANYTHING to him. He likes the fact that he has a lot of power over me and uses it to turn others against me as they all try and earn his respect by doing as he says, he knows nobody would dare to help me because of his high status within the college which makes it a lot harder to avoid him. I try and stay with my good friends the ones that care but he still continues to make me feel miserable and calls my family awful stuff such as my brother is weak , my cousin sister is a slut, my dad and dad are failures ect. My question is why is good happening to him? Why hasn't Allah swt punished him for the way he treated me and the way hes made me feel? I've done my research I shouldn't wish death upon someone or do badua on him, instead I should pray for him and forgive him, I have tried to forgive and forget but he still gives me reasons to despise him. I feel very low with myself because of him and I feel it is time for him to get what he deserves, how do I ask Allah swt to punish him? Can I wish death on him or his loved ones? Can I make dua so he has a bad life and feels the same pain I feel? I know I sound evil right now but I've tried everything in my power to avoid him, ignore him, stay away from him, forgive him, but it has become beyond forgiveness , I can't tell you everything he has done Because it makes me feel even more stressed and makes me tear up, again is there anyway I can ask Allah set to punish him? Can I wish death on him or a loved one of his? I know I should just do dua for him but dua is no longer an option for me anymore, he's put me to a point where I was considering suicide, but luckily my love for Allah was far greater so I didn't go through with it, but I'm left miserable, depressed and very very unhappy, if there is any thing I can do to get punishment on him then please help me with this knowledge, I never usually do stuff like this but I've no option no more, I've tried everything, nothing has worked. It is time he payed for his actions, Thank you for reading   

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Dear Brother in Islam,

We take note of the contents of your email. If what you have stated is true, then the attitude and conduct of some of your friends is un Islamic and a major sin. They are involved in the following major sins,

  1. Allah says, 

يَاأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا يَسْخَرْ قَوْمٌ مِنْ قَوْمٍ عَسَى أَنْ يَكُونُا خَيْرًا مِنْهُمْ وَلَا نِسَاءٌ مِنْ نِسَاءٍ عَسَى أَنْ يَكُنَّ خَيْرًا مِنْهُنَّ [الحجرات: 11]

O you who believe! let not some men among you laugh at others: it may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): Nor let some women laugh at others: it may be that the (latter) are better than the (former)

It is totally incorrect of the person in reference to humiliate your family members. This is clear violation of the law of Allah.

  1. Allah says,

وَلَا تَلْمِزُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَلَا تَنَابَزُوا بِالْأَلْقَابِ [الحجرات: 11]

Do not defame through sarcastic remarks about one another, nor call one another by offensive nicknames. 

Your friends are involved in this major sins as well.

  1. Allah says,

وَيْلٌ لِكُلِّ هُمَزَةٍ لُمَزَةٍ  [الهمزة: 1]

Woe to every slanderer and defamer.

  1. Rasulullah صلي الله عليه وسلم  said,

سِبَابُ المُسْلِمِ فُسُوقٌ،

Defaming a Muslim is evildoing. (Bukhari)1

  1. Rasulullah صلي الله عليه وسلم  said,

المُسْلِمُ مَنْ سَلِمَ المُسْلِمُونَ مِنْ لِسَانِهِ وَيَدِهِ

A Muslim is the one who avoids harming Muslims with his tongue or his hands. (Bukhari)2

 

  1. Allah Taala expounds on the etiquettes of living together,

وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْيَتَامَى وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِ ذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْجَارِ الْجُنُبِ وَالصَّاحِبِ بِالْجَنْبِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ مَنْ كَانَ مُخْتَالًا فَخُورًا  [النساء: 36]

 Be good to your parents, kinfolks, orphans, the helpless, near and far neighbours who keep company with you, the travellers in need, and the slaves you own. Allah does not love those who are arrogant and boastful,

Your friends are guilty of all the above. You should discuss this issue with some of your friends and even show this fatwa to them.

Encourage them to advise the friends of the fear of Allah and inculcate good qualities in them. If they still insist and justify their wrong in spite of reading this fatwa, they risk losing their imaan as they justify their wrong against the orders of Allah Taala.

You may also consult your local Imam and other influential people to remedy the abuse. You should not subject yourself to abuse. Turn to Allah with duas and patience. Allah is All Seeing and All Hearing.

Whoever is guilty of oppression or supporting an oppressor and overlooking him are all guilty. The duas of the oppressed reaches Allah Taala very quickly,

اتَّقِ دَعْوَةَ المَظْلُومِ، فَإِنَّهَا لَيْسَ بَيْنَهَا وَبَيْنَ اللَّهِ حِجَابٌ

'Beware of the supplication of the oppressed; for indeed there is no barrier between it and Allah.'(Bukhari)3

Have courage and communicate your concerns and this fatwa to your friends so that they could remedy the situation and save themselves from the anger and wrath of Allah Taala for their despicable behaviour.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Huzaifah Deedat

Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

_____________________

صحيح البخاري- دار طوق النجاة (9/ 50)1

حَدَّثَنَا عُمَرُ بْنُ حَفْصٍ، حَدَّثَنِي أَبِي، حَدَّثَنَا الأَعْمَشُ، حَدَّثَنَا شَقِيقٌ، قَالَ: قَالَ عَبْدُ اللَّهِ: قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «سِبَابُ المُسْلِمِ فُسُوقٌ، وَقِتَالُهُ كُفْرٌ

صحيح البخاري- دار طوق النجاة (1/ 11)2

حَدَّثَنَا آدَمُ بْنُ أَبِي إِيَاسٍ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا شُعْبَةُ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ أَبِي السَّفَرِ، وَإِسْمَاعِيلَ بْنِ أَبِي خَالِدٍ، عَنِ الشَّعْبِيِّ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: «المُسْلِمُ مَنْ سَلِمَ المُسْلِمُونَ مِنْ لِسَانِهِ وَيَدِهِ، وَالمُهَاجِرُ مَنْ هَجَرَ مَا نَهَى اللَّهُ عَنْهُ» قَالَ أَبُو عَبْدِ اللَّهِ: وَقَالَ أَبُو مُعَاوِيَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا دَاوُدُ هُوَ ابْنُ أَبِي هِنْدٍ، عَنْ عَامِرٍ، قَالَ: سَمِعْتُ عَبْدَ اللَّهِ يَعْنِي ابْنَ عَمْرٍو، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ وَقَالَ عَبْدُ الأَعْلَى، عَنْ دَاوُدَ، عَنْ عَامِرٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ

صحيح البخاري- دار طوق النجاة (3/ 129)3

حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ مُوسَى، حَدَّثَنَا وَكِيعٌ، حَدَّثَنَا زَكَرِيَّاءُ بْنُ إِسْحَاقَ المَكِّيُّ، عَنْ يَحْيَى بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ صَيْفِيٍّ، عَنْ أَبِي مَعْبَدٍ مَوْلَى ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ بَعَثَ مُعَاذًا إِلَى اليَمَنِ، فَقَالَ: «اتَّقِ دَعْوَةَ المَظْلُومِ، فَإِنَّهَا لَيْسَ بَيْنَهَا وَبَيْنَ اللَّهِ حِجَابٌ

 

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