Category: Jurisprudence and Rulings (Fiqh)
Fatwa#: 39608
Asked Country: Costa Rica

Answered Date: Dec 08,2017

Title: Shaking hands with son in law

Question

What is the Islamic opinion on the permissibility of a mother in law shaking hands with / hugging / kissing her son in law and vice versa. Similarly, what is the Islamic opinion on the permissibility of a father in law shaking hands with / hugging / kissing his daughter in law and vice versa?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

A son in law is a mahram to his mother in law. A mahram is he with whom marriage is permanently prohibited. A mother in law does not have to observe the laws of hijab with her son in law. Likewise, a father in law is a mahram to his daughter. The daughter in law does not have to observe the laws of hijab in front of her father in law.

A son in law becomes a mahram to his mother in law through marriage. Likewise, the father in law becomes a mahram to his daughter in law through marriage. This type of mahram is not like a blood mahram. Like a mother to the son, or brother to the sister.

In general, and according to people with sound nature, there is no carnal attraction between mahrams by blood. That is not so in the case of mahrams created through marriage. In principle, a son in law could marry his mother in law before marrying his wife. Likewise, a father in law could marry his daughter in law before his sons marriage to his wife.

The possibility of a son in law having a carnal attraction to a young mother in law cannot be ruled out. Likewise, the possibility of a father in law having a carnal attraction to his daughter in law cannot be ruled out. It is therefore incorrect to assume that once there is a relationship of mahram between two persons, then all the laws of hijab fall off and all mahrams are governed by the same set of rules. The feeling of a father embracing his daughter can never be the same as embracing his daughter in law. A mother embracing her son can never be the same as embracing her son in law. The natural and hidden component of passion and desire between such two mahrams cannot be ignored.

Shariah emphasises on shame and modesty.

Rasulullah Sallalahu Alaihi Wasalam said, 

الحَيَاءُ مِنَ الإِيمَانِ، وَالإِيمَانُ فِي الجَنَّةِ، وَالبَذَاءُ مِنَ الجَفَاءِ، وَالجَفَاءُ فِي النَّارِ 

"Modesty is from Iman, and Iman leads you to Paradise. Shamelessness is from futile things, and futile things lead you to the fire of Hell.(Tirmidhi)

 

Furthermore. If the two mahrams by marriage touch each other with lust, that constitutes Hurmat-e-Musaharah which terminates the marriage bond between the son in law and his wife or son and daughter in law. If a father in law wants to display respect and compassion for his daughter in law or if the mother in law wishes to show respect and honour to her son in law, it does not have to be done in the same way as one does with ones mahrams by birth. The father in law embracing and kissing his daughter in law or the mother in law to her son in law is incorrect.

The reason for highlighting the above distinction between the two types of mahrams is we are living in an era of immoralities. We come across many incidents of immoral behaviour between mahrams of marriage. In many instances, marriages were broken. It is therefore imperative that mahrams created by marriage should exercise precaution in their relationship with each other.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Huzaifah Deedat

Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

_____________

{حُرِّمَتْ عَلَيْكُمْ أُمَّهَاتُكُمْ وَبَنَاتُكُمْ وَأَخَوَاتُكُمْ وَعَمَّاتُكُمْ وَخَالَاتُكُمْ وَبَنَاتُ الْأَخِ وَبَنَاتُ الْأُخْتِ وَأُمَّهَاتُكُمُ اللَّاتِي أَرْضَعْنَكُمْ وَأَخَوَاتُكُمْ مِنَ الرَّضَاعَةِ وَأُمَّهَاتُ نِسَائِكُمْ وَرَبَائِبُكُمُ اللَّاتِي فِي حُجُورِكُمْ مِنْ نِسَائِكُمُ اللَّاتِي دَخَلْتُمْ بِهِنَّ فَإِنْ لَمْ تَكُونُوا دَخَلْتُمْ بِهِنَّ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ وَحَلَائِلُ أَبْنَائِكُمُ الَّذِينَ مِنْ أَصْلَابِكُمْ وَأَنْ تَجْمَعُوا بَيْنَ الْأُخْتَيْنِ إِلَّا مَا قَدْ سَلَفَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ غَفُورًا رَحِيمًا  [النساء: 23]

النهر الفائق شرح كنز الدقائق- دار الكتب العلمية (2/ 57)

((محرم) وهو من لا يجوز له مناطحتها على التأبيد بقرابة أو رضاع أو صهرية مسلمًا كان إلا أن يكون فاسقا أو كافرا إلا أن يكون مجوسيا يعتقد إباحة نكاحها حرب كان أو عبدا بشرط العقل والبلوغ قال الحمادي والمواهب كالبالغ

تبيين الحقائق شرح كنز الدقائق وحاشية الشلبي- دار الكتاب الإسلامي (2/ 103)

قَالَ - رَحِمَهُ اللَّهُ - (وَامْرَأَةِ أَبِيهِ وَابْنِهِ وَإِنْ بُعْدَا) أَيْ تَحْرُمُ عَلَيْهِ امْرَأَةُ أَبِيهِ وَامْرَأَةُ ابْنِهِ

البحر الرائق شرح كنز الدقائق ومنحة الخالق وتكملة الطوري- دار الكتاب الإسلامي (3/ 100)

(قوله وامرأة أبيه وابنه وإن بعدا) أما حليلة الأب فبقوله تعالى {ولا تنكحوا ما نكح آباؤكم من النساء} [النساء: 22] فتحرم بمجرد العقد عليها

النتف في الفتاوى- مؤسسة الرسالة (1/ 254)

وأما الصهر فهم أربعة اصناف

أحدهم ابو الزوج والجدود من قبل ابويه وان علوا يحرمون على المرأة وتحرم هي عليهم دخل بها أو لم يدخل بها لقوله تعالى وحلائل أبنائكم الذين من أصلابكم

سنن الترمذي ت شاكر (4/ 365)

حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو كُرَيْبٍ قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدَةُ بْنُ سُلَيْمَانَ، وَعَبْدُ الرَّحِيمِ، وَمُحَمَّدُ بْنُ بِشْرٍ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو سَلَمَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «الحَيَاءُ مِنَ الإِيمَانِ، وَالإِيمَانُ فِي الجَنَّةِ، وَالبَذَاءُ مِنَ الجَفَاءِ، وَالجَفَاءُ فِي النَّارِ»: [ص:366] وَفِي البَابِ عَنْ ابْنِ عُمَرَ، وَأَبِي بَكْرَةَ، وَأَبِي أُمَامَةَ، وَعِمْرَانَ بْنِ حُصَيْنٍ هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ صَحِيحٌ

الدر المختار وحاشية ابن عابدين (رد المحتار) (6/ 367)-دار الفكر

(ومن محرمه) هي من لا يحل له نكاحها أبدا بنسب أو سبب ولو بزنا (إلى الرأس والوجه والصدر والساق والعضد إن أمن شهوته) وشهوتها أيضا ذكره في الهداية فمن قصره على الأول فقد قصر ابن كمال (وإلا لا، لا إلى الظهر والبطن)

فتاوى قاضيخان (3/ 249)

و لا ينظر إلى بطن ذات رحم محرم منه و لا إلى ظهرها و لا ما بين صرتها * و إنما يباح النظر و المس إلى هذه المواضع بغير شهوة * فإن كان بحال لو نظر إلى ذلك يشتهي أو كان أكبر رأيه أنه يشتهي فإنه يغض بصره و لا يمسها

الدرر المباحة في الحظر والاباحة، مطلب في المس بشهوة-ص75- دار ابن حزم

واذا مس الرجل امرأة مشتهاة حية تم لها تسع سنين بشهوة من احدهما او منهما...وكانت الشهوة حالة اللمس، ولم ينزل معه حرم عليه اصولها وفروعها وحرم عليها اصوله وفروعه. وحد الشهوة في اللمس والنظر لأجل حرمة المصاهرة: تحرك آلته أو زيادتة إن كان موجودا قبلها، وفي امرأة وشيخ كبير وعنين : تحرك قلبه علي وجه يشوش الخاطر، فلا يضر مجرد ميلان النفس.

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