Category:
Fatwa#: 39373
Asked Country: India

Answered Date: Nov 12,2017

Title: What to do with the custom of wife staying by parents 4 days a week?

Question

Assalamu Alaykum.

In my community where i am living there is some followings and day to day it becomes rules,you are requested to answer my questions as per islamic point of view.

 

Where i am living after marrige women stays to their husband home 4 days a week or sometimes 3 days a week and remaining days she stays at their mothers home,and its happen upto 5 to 6 years after marraige.Becaue of this many fitna occurs and women can't have a feeling about their responsibilities towards husband and husband's home.

 

My question is 

1)this is right as a islamic perspective?

2)What is islamic rules about staying womens at their mothers house?

3)If this thing is wrong then what is solution to cure this habit from whole community where i am living?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

When a woman gets married, she should make her husband’s home her home and not just a house. She should make her husband’s home her base.

A wise person said:

“A house is made of bricks and a home is made of hearts”

If a wife wishes to visit her parents, she should discuss it with her husband and both should mutually agree when and for what period she should visit her parents. In principle, a wife has a right in Shariah to visit her parents once a week.[i]   If she wish to visit more than that or wish to stay by her parents house, the husbands consent is necessary.  It is not appropriate for a wife to stay at her parent’s house without the consent of her husband. If she does so, she is guilty of been disobedient to her husband.

2] The custom of women staying 3 or 4 days a week at the husbands house and the remaining days of the week at their mother’s house for 5 to 6 years after marriage has no basis in Shariah. Address the issue with your wife and in laws with wisdom and diplomacy or appoint someone who has influence on your in laws to address the issue.

3] Speak to the Ulama and Muftis of your community or nearby community [if no Ulama and Muftis in your community] to address the issue to your community and end such a custom with wisdom and diplomacy.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Ridwaan Ibn Khalid Esmail [Kasak]

Student Darul Iftaa
Katete, Zambia  

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

 

 

 

 



[i] الهداية في شرح بداية المبتدي (2/ 289)

لا يمنعها من الخروج إلى الوالدين ولا يمنعهما من الدخول عليها في كل جمعة.. وهو الصحيح..

الناشر: دار احياء التراث العربي - بيروت – لبنان

 

تبيين الحقائق شرح كنز الدقائق وحاشية الشلبي (3/ 58)

وَفِي مَجْمُوعِ النَّوَازِلِ فَإِنْ كَانَتْ قَابِلَةً أَوْ غَسَّالَةً أَوْ كَانَ لَهَا حَقٌّ عَلَى آخَرَ أَوْ لِآخَرَ عَلَيْهَا حَقٌّ تَخْرُجُ بِالْإِذْنِ وَبِغَيْرِ الْإِذْنِ، وَالْحَجُّ عَلَى هَذَا، وَمَا عَدَا ذَلِكَ مِنْ غَيْرِ رِضَا الزَّوْجِ لَيْسَ لَهَا ذَلِكَ..... فَإِنْ أَعْطَاهَا الْمَهْرَ لَيْسَ لَهَا الْخُرُوجُ إلَّا بِإِذْنِ الزَّوْجِ،

الناشر: المطبعة الكبرى الأميرية - بولاق، القاهرة

 

البناية شرح الهداية (5/ 682)

(وقيل: لا يمنعها من الخروج إلى الوالدين) ش: لاحتمال أنهما لا يأتيان إليها. فإذا منعها زوجها عن الخروج إليها، توهم فيها العقوق الذي هو من الكبائر. م: (ولا يمنعها من الدخول عليها) ش: أي ولا يمنع الزوج والديها من الدخول عليها. م: (في كل جمعة) ش: وعليه الفتوى.

الناشر: دار الكتب العلمية - بيروت، لبنان

الدر المختار وحاشية ابن عابدين (رد المحتار) (3/ 602)

ينبغي أن يأذن لها في زيارتهما في الحين بعد الحين على قدر متعارف، أما في كل جمعة فهو بعيد، فإن في كثرة الخروج فتح باب الفتنة خصوصا إذا كانت شابة والزوج من ذوي الهيئات، بخلاف خروج الأبوين فإنه أيسر. اهـ.

الناشر: دار الكتب العلمية

 

البحر الرائق شرح كنز الدقائق ومنحة الخالق وتكملة الطوري (4/ 212)

الصَّحِيحُ أَنَّهُ لَا يَمْنَعُهَا مِنْ الْخُرُوجِ إلَى الْوَالِدَيْنِ وَلَا يَمْنَعُهُمَا مِنْ الدُّخُولِ عَلَيْهَا فِي كُلِّ جُمُعَةٍ... فَعَلَى الصَّحِيحِ الْمُفْتَى بِهِ تَخْرُجُ لِلْوَالِدَيْنِ فِي كُلِّ جُمُعَةٍ بِإِذْنِهِ وَبِغَيْرِ إذْنِهِ... ، وَعَنْ أَبِي يُوسُفَ فِي النَّوَادِرِ تَقْيِيدُ خُرُوجِهَا بِأَنْ لَا يَقْدِرَ عَلَى إتْيَانِهَا فَإِنْ كَانَا يَقْدِرَانِ عَلَى إتْيَانِهَا لَا تَذْهَبُ وَهُوَ حَسَنٌ فَإِنَّ بَعْضَ النِّسَاءِ لَا يَشُقُّ عَلَيْهَا مَعَ الْأَبِ الْخُرُوجُ، وَقَدْ يَشُقُّ عَلَى الزَّوْجِ فَتَمْتَنِعُ، وَقَدْ اخْتَارَ بَعْضُ الْمَشَايِخِ مَنْعَهَا مِنْ الْخُرُوجِ إلَيْهِمَا، وَقَدْ أَشَارَ إلَى نَقْلِهِ فِي شَرْحِ الْمُخْتَارِ وَالْحَقُّ الْأَخْذُ بِقَوْلِ أَبِي يُوسُفَ إذَا كَانَ الْأَبَوَانِ بِالصِّفَةِ الَّتِي ذُكِرَتْ وَإِنْ لَمْ يَكُونَا كَذَلِكَ يَنْبَغِي أَنْ يُؤْذِنَ لَهَا فِي زِيَارَتِهِمَا الْحِينَ بَعْدَ الْحِينِ عَلَى قَدْرٍ مُتَعَارَفٍ أَمَّا فِي كُلِّ جُمُعَةٍ فَبَعِيدٌ فَإِنَّ فِي كَثْرَةِ الْخُرُوجِ فَتْحَ بَابِ الْفِتْنَةِ خُصُوصًا إذَا كَانَتْ شَابَّةً وَالزَّوْجُ مِنْ ذَوِي الْهَيْئَاتِ بِخِلَافِ خُرُوجِ الْأَبَوَيْنِ فَإِنَّهُ أَيْسَرُ،.

الناشر: دار الكتاب الإسلامي

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