Fatwa#: 39299
Asked Country: India

Answered Date: Oct 30,2017

Title: Advice Regarding Marriage


Assalaam alaikum I am from India and my name is faisal. The problem is that there was a girl in my relation whom I use to like very much but couldn't tell hher because she was 3 years older than me. Slowly slowly we became friends on facebook and started chatting . After chatting with eachother for 2 months she proposed me. It was likw the best day of my life. Then exchanged numbers and started talking all day and night. We both started loving each other alot. It all started in june 2010. We rarely use to meet because she was from different city and was able to meet once or twice a year. We have kissed each othee a lot of times but never had anythingmore than that.   In 2014 i started feeling that she has started talkinhg to another guy in the same city who is also our common cousin. I use to feel because of the comments amd all on fb.   When I use to ask her. She use to swear on Allah that there is nothing like that. Since march 2014 she was two timing with both of us. In 2015 july she started sayimg that my parents are watching for my marriage And  your parents wont aggree for my because i am three yrs older than you and i was also jobless than time as I was 23  . After talking about all this at my home my parents said she is not the right girl fpr you but i will not say no.  Just pray isthikhara and ask Allah if she is right or not.  I prayed isthikhara for like one month but there was no option coming in my mind as i use to think that my parents are not happy woth this girl and that was very great of thwm to say that if you want to marry than just pray isthikhara. In isthikhara there was npthing good coming out. Suddenly one day in october 2015 she called me and said that you have done very late and she is going to get engaged to the other cousin. I was shattered that time because my feelimg of what i use to think about her and that guy being in a relationship and ditching me was right. It was the feeling that nothing has left in my life and i was in a very bad situation. But there was a feeling that i prayed isthikara so i will come out from this and will live a happy life in sha Allah.  I thought that she has been engaged now so she will live happily woth her fiance and i will forget her with time.  But what was unexpected that she after 6 or 7 months started callimg me again and askimg to meet me alone.   Till augest we talked like 10 to 11 times. Always she calls me Her marriage with him is in January 2018. It's October 2017 and now she calls me and cries alot that i cant live without you and please if you can do anything then i can break the engagement and will be yours. And she says that she wont be able to live happily without me . She cries alot that she want to be with me and not with him . What i think is that there is some fight between her and her fiance thats why she wants to come bank to me noe . I cant stop taking to her whenever she calls Because i loved her for 8 years amd she was the first loveof my life. I am mad for her. I just wamt to know any dua any wasifa to forget her and be happy in my life. Should i start praying tahhajud ? Will my roads of life will be easy ? Should i cut all connections with her ? What should i do ? She cries alot over phone taht she wont be able to live happily with him . ? Please suggest me something


In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

At the outset, we wish to remind you that anything haram will always have negative and painful consequences. It was haram for you to be in touch with the girl. Your pain and suffering are the consequences of the haram relationship. You state that the girl has been proposed. It is haram for you to communicate with the girl and even be a cause of breaking the engagement.

Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

لا يخطب على خطبة أخيه

Do not propose (to a woman) after the proposal of your brother. (Sahih al-Bukhari, 2140) 

You are already experiencing the negative consequences of your haram relationship with the girl. If you engage in another haram act by giving her support to break the engagement, you will suffer further consequences.

Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

لا يلدغ المؤمن من جحر واحد مرتين

A believer is not stung twice (by something) from one hole. (Sahih al-Bukhari, 6133)

We advise you to terminate all contact with the girl. She left you before. What if she leaves you again? Do not get caught in her emotional trap. Do tauba (repent) and proceed with your independent life. Build your contact and love with Allah. There is no love equivalent to the love of Allah. In sha Allah, over time you will forget her and she will be history with mystery!

And Allah Ta‘ālā Knows Best.


Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

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