Category: Character, Morals (Akhlaaq)
Fatwa#: 38487
Asked Country: United States

Answered Date: Aug 12,2017

Title: My family not keeping good relations with me

Question

Assalamualaykum,

I have few close family members who extremely misbehaved with me. Last 7yrs it's been happening. They love finding my faults &start quarreling for silly reasons. They love hurt me with worst words. They stop talking not cut kinship. I feel extreme pain because of their verbal attack.But for Allah's sake I tie the kinship since I know it all very big since. I have been being humiliated this way every few days/months. I am always scared of their horrible nasty tongue. Its a very bad  feeling. This time they cut the relationship couple days ago .I am so hurt n upset that don't feel like tie the kinship again. They hate me. Is it okay if I don't talk to them  n tie kinship ? They don't want it .They avoid me and spreading false statement against me.Their tongue is like a sword.They are after me.we live closeby.I don't like to see their face anymore let alone talk

Answer

We take note of the contents of your email. We make dua Allah Ta’ālā grant you courage to overcome this difficult moments and May Allah Ta’ālā guide you and deal with this issue most appropriately. Ameen.

Your email about the negative conduct of some of your family members is general. You did not state the reason why they are conducting themselves as you state. We would have more insight on the issue and advise accordingly.

You should consider identifying a moderate, fair and influential person who knows your family and is upright and confide in him and seek his counsel.

In the meantime, follow the advice mentioned in the following verse and Hadith,

يَاأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اسْتَعِينُوا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلَاةِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ 

 

O you who believe! Seek assistance through patience and salaah. 153   البقرة

 

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، أَنَّ رَجُلًا قَالَ: يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ إِنَّ لِي قَرَابَةً أَصِلُهُمْ وَيَقْطَعُونِي، وَأُحْسِنُ إِلَيْهِمْ وَيُسِيئُونَ إِلَيَّ، وَأَحْلُمُ عَنْهُمْ وَيَجْهَلُونَ عَلَيَّ، فَقَالَ: «لَئِنْ كُنْتَ كَمَا قُلْتَ، فَكَأَنَّمَا تُسِفُّهُمُ الْمَلَّ وَلَا يَزَالُ مَعَكَ مِنَ اللهِ ظَهِيرٌ عَلَيْهِمْ مَا دُمْتَ عَلَى ذَلِكَ

صحيح مسلم (4/ 1982)

 

Hazrat Abu Hurairah Radhiallahu Anhu reported that a person asked Allah's Messenger Sallahu Alayhi Wasalam, I have relatives with whom I try, to have close relationship, but they sever (this relation). I treat them well, but they treat me ill. I am sweet to them but they are harsh towards me. Upon this he (the Holy Prophet) said: If it is so as you say, then you in fact throw hot ashes (upon their faces) and there would always remain with you on behalf of Allah (an Angel to support you) who would keep you dominant over them so long as you adhere to this (path of righteousness).

 

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Huzaifah Deedat

Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

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