Category: Marriage (Nikah)
Fatwa#: 38443
Asked Country: United Arab Emirates

Answered Date: Aug 01,2017

Title: Boundaries of an engagement in Islam.

Question

Assalam Alaikum

My parent have recently found a family/groom for me for arrange marriage. My concern/question is that Im a kind of person who is into designing and decoration and and I look forward to the events and do a lot of planning for it. I have been planning for my wedding, engagement days since I was a teenager and dream of it to be perfect. Im not a perfect muslim but I try to follow Islam in my daily life as much as I can. And alhamdulilah the groom is a man with good ethics and knwlodege of Islam and wants to get married in a way ideal islamically. My problem arises when it comes to getting engaged for marriage to be in about a year. He does not want to have a celebration of any sort or exchange any gifts or make the day special in any way as he believes Islam does not allow it. He and his family are keen on mot doing it and it is very difficult for me to agree to that because i have been planning this day for so long and i dont think islam is so strict about any celebration regarding engagement. I dont know how to convince him or his family for this because maybe im wrong for doing it and also difficult to be asking directly for this at such a sensitive point. I dont know what to do. I would love for my wedding to be according to the sunnah but i feel adding some elements of joy will not make it against our religion. Please guide me regarding engagemnt, how to make it an event in the most modest manner and how to convince them for it.

Thank you and hope to hear back.

Assalam alaikum

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister in Islam,

We take note of your wishes and aspirations for a perfect engagement. This is also the wish and aspiration of many young women like you. This wish is inculcated due to the undue importance given to engagements.

It is challenging to deflate emotions and correct misconceived thoughts about customs and practices due to cultural practices and norms. Such practices have such an ingrained effect on the mind that one regards un-Islamic practices as correct and looks for ways of justifying such practices. Marriage engagement ceremonies also fall in this category. We advise you to contain your emotions and consider the following with an open mind.

As muslims, our responsibility is to analyse all practices in the light of Shariah. If any practice or ceremony is not recognised in Shariah or its practice is not consisted with Shariah, then we should avoid such practices.1

Rasulullah    صلي الله عليه وسلم advised,

«إِنَّ أَعْظَمَ النِّكَاحِ بَرَكَةً أَيْسَرُهُ مَؤُونَةً»

The Nikah in which the least amount of expenses is incurred has the greatest amount of barakah.

 (Musnad Ahmed) 2 

 

When the actual nikah ought to be simple, one can gauge the position of an engagement in Islam. Engagement is a mutual undertaking to marry. There is no reason to celebrate this undertaking. Shariah does not recognise the concept of an engagement ceremony wherein large amounts of money is wasted on dressing and decorations.

 If we analyse the above quoted hadith further, it implies that extravagance actually leads to being deprived of barakah. Barakah is a Divine blessing from Allah.3 You always dreamt of a perfect engagement. How can an engagement be perfect and bring bliss and happiness to you if it is against the Shariah and deprives on from the blessings of Allah Ta’āla?

Have we not witnessed many engagement ceremonies that have become sour and broken up before the marriage? All the dreams of a perfect and happy occasion crumbles into grief and agony. That is due to lack of barakah in such occasions.

Sister,

Islam is the perfect way of life. Believe in the perfection of Islam and do not assume any other way of engagement to be perfect besides the way shown us to us in Shariah. If your spouse to be has been finalised, the purpose of an engagement is fulfilled. You should proceed with the Nikah. This simple and straightforward approach to Nikah will bring barakah, blessings and happiness in your marriage.

We make dua that Allah Ta’āla grant you a happy and successful married life. Ameen.

 

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Huzaifah Deedat

Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia 

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

_________________

سنن أبي داود ت الأرنؤوط- دار الرسالة العالمية (6/ 144) 1

حدَّثنا عثمانُ بنُ أبي شيبةَ، حدَّثنا أبو النضرِ، حدَّثنا عبدُ الرحمن ابنُ ثابتٍ، حدَّثنا حسانُ بنُ عطيَّهَ، عن أبي مُنيب الجُرَشيٍّ عن ابنِ عُمَرَ، قال: قال رسولُ الله - صلَّى الله عليه وسلم -:، مَن تَشَبَّه بقومٍ فهو منهم

السنن الكبرى للبيهقي- دار الكتب العلمية (9/ 392)

 وَأَخْبَرَنَا أَبُو عَبْدِ اللهِ الْحَافِظُ، ثنا أَبُو الْعَبَّاسِ مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَعْقُوبَ , ثنا الْحَسَنُ بْنُ عَلِيِّ بْنِ عَفَّانَ، ثنا أَبُو أُسَامَةَ، ثنا عَوْفٌ، عَنْ أَبِي الْمُغِيرَةِ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللهِ بْنِ عَمْرو، قَالَ: " مَنْ بَنَى فِي بِلَادِ الْأَعَاجِمِ فَصَنَعَ نَوْرُوزَهُمْ وَمِهْرَجَانَهُمْ وَتَشَبَّهَ بِهِمْ حَتَّى يَمُوتَ وَهُوَ كَذَلِكَ حُشِرَ مَعَهُمْ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ ". وَهَكَذَا رَوَاهُ يَحْيَى بْنُ سَعِيدٍ , وَابْنُ أبي عَدِيٍّ , وَغُنْدَرٌ , وَعَبْدُ الْوَهَّابِ , عَنْ عَوْفٍ , عَنْ أَبِي الْمُغِيرَةِ , عَنْ عَبْدِ اللهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو مِنْ قَوْلِهِ

الهداية في شرح بداية المبتدي- دار احياء التراث العربي (4/ 366)

 والتشبه بهم حرام

البحر الرائق شرح كنز الدقائق ومنحة الخالق وتكملة الطوري- دار الكتاب الإسلامي (8/ 555)

والإعطاء باسم النيروز والمهرجان لا يجوز) أي الهدايا باسم هذين اليومين حرام بل كفر وقال أبو حفص الكبير - رحمه الله - لو أن رجلا عبد الله تعالى خمسين سنة ثم جاء يوم النيروز وأهدى إلى بعض المشركين بيضة يريد تعظيم ذلك اليوم فقد كفر وحبط عمله وقال صاحب الجامع الأصغر إذا أهدى يوم النيروز إلى مسلم آخر ولم يرد به تعظيم اليوم ولكن على ما اعتاده بعض الناس لا يكفر ولكن ينبغي له أن لا يفعل ذلك في ذلك اليوم خاصة ويفعله قبله أو بعده لكي لا يكون تشبيها بأولئك القوم، وقد قال - صلى الله عليه وسلم - «من تشبه بقوم فهو منهم» وقال في الجامع الأصغر رجل اشترى يوم النيروز شيئا يشتريه الكفرة منه وهو لم يكن يشتريه قبل ذلك إن أراد به تعظيم ذلك اليوم كما تعظمه المشركون كفر، وإن أراد الأكل والشرب والتنعم لا يكفر

البحر الرائق شرح كنز الدقائق ومنحة الخالق وتكملة الطوري- دار الكتاب الإسلامي (5/ 133)

بخروجه إلى نيروز المجوس والموافقة معهم فيما يفعلون في ذلك اليوم وبشرائه يوم النيروز شيئا لم يكن يشتريه قبل ذلك تعظيما للنيروز لا للأكل والشرب وبإهدائه ذلك اليوم للمشركين ولو بيضة تعظيما لذلك اليوم

المدخل لابن الحاج- دار التراث (2/ 48)

وَمَعْنَى ذَلِكَ تَنْفِيرُ الْمُسْلِمِينَ عَنْ مُوَافَقَةِ الْكُفَّارِ فِي كُلِّ مَا اخْتَصُّوا بِهِ. وَقَدْ كَانَ - عَلَيْهِ الصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ - يَكْرَهُ مُوَافَقَةَ أَهْلِ الْكِتَابِ فِي كُلِّ أَحْوَالِهِمْ

 

مسند أحمد  (41/ 75) 2

 حَدَّثَنَا عَفَّانُ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا حَمَّادُ بْنُ سَلَمَةَ، قَالَ: أَخْبَرَنِي ابْنُ الطُّفَيْلِ بْنِ سَخْبَرَةَ، عَنْ الْقَاسِمِ بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، قَالَ: «إِنَّ أَعْظَمَ النِّكَاحِ بَرَكَةً أَيْسَرُهُ مَؤُونَةً»

التفسير الوسيط لطنطاوي- دار نهضة  (5/ 335) 3

البركات: جمع بركة: وهي ثبوت الخير الإلهى في الشيء، وسمى بذلك لثبوت الخير فيه كما يثبت الماء في البركة.

 

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