I have currently married a man back in jan 2016. We have moved in together in may 2016 and it seems like if we r not making it. I have many issues with him as im sure he does with me. I am very overwhelmed with school, double jobs, house work, my 6yr old son and my husband doesnt seem to understand me. I pay all the bills and when i ask him for him to help he fet very upset to the point that he starts to verbally abuse me then when i tell him to leave the house he starts hitting me. At the end we both end up hitting each other but i have learned to just not hit him back because it will be worse for me and my son- not his biologically. I just let him talk but even so he will not stop. I try to go outside for us to cool off and he wnt let me leave. Idk wat to do. He makes good money. He says i waste alot thats why i can never save. All his 3000 go to his savings. And all if my money to bills etc. i dont even have a car n he wnt buy me one. He has good money saved and i dont want something luxurious just something basic. He threatens to leave me and since i dnt stop him he gets more upset. He wont help around the house. Basically his life is sleep till 1pm, work 2-11,smoke hookah and watch youtube till 3 n repeat. Always complaining about me that im not good wife to cook, take care of him or degrades me that im ugly, old im 30 n hes 28 and that i should be thankful that my son doesnt have a prostitute mom anymore after he married me. I was in a bad relationship before and I clearly told him everything he needed to know before so these things wont become a problem as they r now. When he leaves he everything i have worked for so hard like appliances items of value and even overdrafts my bank acct. the acct to where his checks get diposited to is his own separate acct giving me no access to. Either way he dnt pray on a daily basis and says to me i shouldn't be muslim. That God wnt hear my prayers bevause im not a good wife. He says for me to go back to "church" as i was christian before but now i found the truth in Islam. Im starting to hate him because of all he does. He humiliates me very bad putting his bare feet all over my face, choking me, spitting on my face. I really want this to end. He blames me for all his misfortunes but in reality he doent have any, all his life became better after through my help he became USA permanent resident because he is working a good job and able to get his phd in engineeering. I dnt want to involve law enforcer because i dnt want him to loose his green card. He currently is on the 2yr probation green card. Please help me anyone. Im considering divorce since i say and tried taking to him calmly about going to marriage counseling but he says im the sick one. And the imams i dnt trust. They seem more like modified imams justifying certain haram things because we live in the "west". Im mexican roots born in usa btw. My family dislikes him so no help from them. He hates my parents too. N wnt alow me to talk to them. And i ask him for advice from his mom and says" nooo way.. ur too low for my holy family" u dnt deserve to talk to them. So therefore i have never met them. Its ok i will soon inshallah!
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Shariah emphasizes on respecting every human being. Shariah encourages us to conceal the faults of people. A wife deserves respect and honour. The attitude of your husband is unfortunate. His statements to return to church etc. questions his Imaan. His attitude of his “holy” family is an expression of his superiority complex. In Islam, honour is determined by ones Imaan and taqwa. Allah says
ان اكرمكم عند الله اتقاكم
Surely the most noble of you with Allah is the one among you most righteous
(Surah Hujuraat Ayat 13)
Sister, you do not have to undergo abuse by your husband. You should not allow yourself to be humiliated. How can you respect yourself if you allow yourself to be disrespected. You should make Istikhara and seek Allah’s guidance in discontinuing the marriage. Do not be afraid. Have the courage, place your trust in Allah and live a life of respect and dignity. If you have to separate from him, do so. Do not subject yourself to further abuse and humiliation.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Student Darul Iftaa
New York, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.