Category: Psychological and Social
Fatwa#: 37821
Asked Country: India

Answered Date: Apr 04,2017

Title: My father-in-law is disrespectful to me. What should I do?

Question

Aassalam Alikum, 

Please help me with duaa or wazifa ..

My father-in-law and mother-in-law don’t like me, they feel that I am harassing her daughter, in reality my wife is very stubborn and never listen my words and don’t respect me, so i use to get angry and sometimes i use to talk less I use to leave her alone in home and go some where and will back later, one night I told my wife I am going some where and will come back later and I left home, she didn’t listen my words and she also wants to come but I didn’t pick her and left her in home, when I return home my father-in-law and mother-in-law came and started shouting as they are ready to beat me up with anything, in reality they both are Hajji, as I am a son-in-law is this way the hajji should talk with me or behave with me, I was very scared and called up my father, my father came and they didn’t respect my father also and started complaining upon me and shouting upon their voice…and they want to take divorce and take her daughter with them with no reason as they feel I am harassing her…. Allah knows the best.

I always respect more than my parents to my father-in-law and mother-in-law, I have helped them during there times when they were hospitalised for operations, i never ill-treated them. My parents use to come and stay once in every year that too for two days, my father-in-law and mother-in-law come stays 10 days every month…i use to take them all the places and use to bring what every them want, which I never did to my parents.

I am working in an IT company and my wife is also working, my wife is one year younger to me, I perform Salah, I don’t have any bad habits, every year during Ramazan I gor Iktikaaf for 3 days some times 10 days, and my wife perform once in a bluemoon or during fridays only. My father is having good name in my native he is the president of Masjid near to my home and also committee member of muslim minorities and helped so many people, he is very patience and judge all problems of Muslims who ever comes to masjid with their problems. And my mother is hard in words but soft in heart, everyone in my family use to tell that my mother is acquired by some jinn (some paaki jinn) during her child hood Allah knows best, she don’t like dirty in home indoor or out door she is having a special room where she perform salah and on one enters in that room. She likes people in clean state and she never allows uncleanliness people in to the home. We don’t disturb her she live as per own in her house.

Coming to my father-in-law

In reality, earlier during young days of my father-in-law, he was doing Finance Business (sood) and also very rich, he left that business 10 yrs back I think, he was a smoker, drinker and use to go for clubs play cards partying and going to haram places and all…now he is 65 yrs old and his son also do the same thing…he failed to change his son… they were many police cases was also there. So, he left that business and he always feel that he is very great person. He never helped Muslims or I never saw any donations or helping from 5 yrs. He always helped in giving money to temples and now he is changed after attainig old age.

After my marriage 5 yrs back, he stopped all those haram things and he was motivated to go with jammat for 3 months, but everyone in his family thinks that he went because he is help less about his son and some people says he did all haram things these many years now he want to do show-off by going to jammat….Allah knows the best…what ever he has change but his attitude is the same and the way he talks very rude remains same…he always think he is best..and great…he says he performed hajj and feels great with those who didn’t perform hajj.

last before year before hajj I helped them to get passport of my father-in-law and mother-in-law and applied to go for hajj and i have helped them in all the proccessing of it, and they have performed Hajj and return..

Here, I want to know there is no any mistake of mine might be minor, is this way a Hajji should talk with son-in-law, and I feel very bad on my part, when a person is not perfect he don’t have any rights to judge or show up finger on other person. In early days my father-in-law was doing all haram things, I feel he is not the right person to judge me. After that situation he stopped talking with me, whenever I see i respect him with salam, he shows attitude towards me and behaves very strange and don’t talks with. Now, also he is ready to take away his daughter as they are rich they don’t have any financial problems, if he is a correct person he should stand and solve the issues between wife and husband…as he don’t like me he wants to take away his daughter….to convenience him next day I touched his foot and asked for forgiveness for which I didn’t do any major or minor sins or no mistake. I never did this act to any one in my life even to my parents I didn’t do this kind of act, I did this kind of act to a haram person – Allah knows best.

By this I feel anxiety, guilty, nervous, uncomfortable in heart, sleepless nights, very calm at my work place and no happiness and I have become very thin I was 75 kgs now I have become 69 kgs, some times I use cry I never use to cry, after that act I cried continuously three days by taking off from work..My parents don’t know about this. I don’t want to tell my parents because I love my wife I don’t want to create problems to her.

I am very sensitive person, I believe in self respect, some times I feel after that act, I should end up my life by writing a letter to my family that because of my father-in-law and mother-in-law I am ending my life, and they should be guilty bt ending my life….

From one month I am doing Zikir of Hasbunallahu Wa Ni’mal Wakeel, Ya hayyum Ya Qayyum day and night , but I am not getting any result of it and still feeling same…

I request you please help me with wazifa and duua I am afraid about my situations and I am facing lot of difficulties with Father-in-law and mother-in-law… I feel very anxiety when I see, hear and listen about them…

Allah know the best, I don’t have any hope except Allah….

please pray for me…

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Respected brother,

 

You have stated that your father-in-law was rude to you. We have sensed that this has made you very upset. However, you responded to your father-in-law’s rudeness with gentleness and humility. This is a Sunnah of the Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam and a sign of your Īmān.

 

The gist of the problem lies in your relationship with your wife. You have stated that your wife is stubborn. However, it is important to realise that every woman has her sensitivities. It is the responsibility of a man to exercise patience with his wife’s sensitivities. If you respond to her stubbornness and sensitivity with anger, you will only worsen the problem.

 

We would advise you to focus on controlling your anger towards your wife. You have stated that you love your wife, this alone is enough to indicate that your marriage is still healthy and that you have the motivation to suppress your anger towards her. Rekindle your love and relationship with your wife and the problems with your father-in-law shall resolve themselves.

 

You should also ask a respectable member of your family to assist in amicably resolving the issue with your father-in-law. Be positive and determined to win your wife back to you. This experience will teach you to be tolerant in future to avert bigger problems.

 

We pray to Allah Ta’āla that He alleviate your worries.

 

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best 

Mu’ādh Chati

Student Darul Iftaa
Blackburn, England, UK

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

 

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