Category: Psychological and Social
Fatwa#: 37729
Asked Country: United States

Answered Date: Apr 09,2017

Title: Can I just stay in contact with a girl that I ‘love’?

Question

Asslam Alikum 

sir my english is weak 

Sir I want to  Ask  a question about Love before marrige??

Actually I love a girl from 6th class

she was my class fellow at that time I really like her nd really love her

but at that time I didnt have any wrong intension about her because we were not so mature . Even though I like her nd really love her we use to talk with eacother sometimes not on daily basis

After that she left the schol after 5 years we get connected on social network

I just use to talk with her through msgs

I didnt hear her voice yet

I didnt met her nd seen her till now

beacuse we thinks so its wrong in islam

so we avoid these things we talk on messages only

due to some problems we cant marry our parents dont want so

but we cant marrry without their permission beacuse we dont want to cheat them nd its also not good in islam that we hurt our parents

but still we love eachother

since we get mature we didnt meet 

no pics 

no dates

no meeting

no any voice call

we just talk on messages

so its wrong in islam 

actually I seriously love her nd she loves to me

reason is that at that time there was no any social site there so It was haram beacuse they use to meet so it was haram

but we have not done such kind of activity

we cant marry but we cant forgot eachother 

we really love eachother 

so cant we countinue chatting only

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

It is impermissible to communicate with a non-maḥram woman beyond the limits of requirement justified by Sharῑ’ah.[1] Accordingly, it is impermissible for you to maintain contact with this woman in the manner that you have described.

Brother in Islām,

You state that you have not seen, heard, or met this woman, yet you have fallen in love with her based upon what you saw of her 5 years ago. This is naivety on your part. If she is conducting impermissible conversations with you, what guarantee do you have that she is not conducting the same conversations with other boys?

You should desist speaking with her immediately. You may then speak to your parents and find out more about the girl in question. If you have an inclination towards her, you should speak with her parents and arrange to see her.

In any case, for as long as she is a non-maḥram, it is impermissible to maintain contact with her in the manner that you have described.

Indeed, it is incorrect for you to make your parents upset. However, it is equally incorrect for you to break the command of Allah by following your carnal desires.

You state that you cannot marry her but at the same time, you cannot forget her. How will you forget her if you maintain contact with her? The only solution is for you to stop contact with her. Your thoughts of her will gradually fade away and you will forget about her.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best 

Mu’ādh Chati

Student Darul Iftaa
Blackburn, England, UK

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

 



[1] امرأة عطست فهذا على وجهين إما إن كانت عجوزا أو شابة فإن كانت عجوزا يرد الرجل عليها وإن كانت شابة يرد عليها في نفسه فإن الجواب كالجواب في السلام

التجنيس والمزيد للمرغيناني ت593ه (ق١٥٤/ا) مكتبة فيض الله أفندي

 

المرأة الأجنبية إذا سلمت على الرجل إن كانت عجوزا رد الرجل عليها السلام بلسانه بصوت تسمع وإن كانت شابة رد عليها في نفسه وكذا الرجل إذا أسلم على امرأة أجنبية والجواب فيه يكون على العكس

خلاصة الفتاوى لطاهر البخاري ت بعد600ه (334/3) مكتبة رشيدية

 

وفي الشرنبلالية معزيا للجوهرة ولا يكلم الأجنبية إلا عجوزا عطست أو سلمت فيشمتها لا يرد السلام عليها وإلا لا انتهى

قوله في القنية رامزا ويجوز الكلام المباح مع امرأة أجنبية اهـ وفي المجتبى رامزا وفي الحديث دليل على أنه لا بأس بأن يتكلم مع النساء بما لا يحتاج إليه وليس هذا من الخوض فيما لا يعنيه إنما ذلك في كلام فيه إثم اهـ فالظاهر أنه قول آخر أو محمول على العجوز تأمل وتقدم في شروط الصلاة أن صوت المرأة عورة على الراجح ومر الكلام فيه فراجعه

رد المحتار لإبن عابدين ت1252ه (369/6) ايج ايم سعيد

 

وفي الكافي ولا تلبي جهرا لأن صوتها عورة ومشى عليه في المحيط في باب الأذان بحر قال في الفتح وعلى هذا لو قيل إذا جهرت بالقراءة في الصلاة فسدت كان متجها ولهذا منعها عليه الصلاة والسلام من التسبيح بالصوت لإعلام الإمام بسهوه إلى التصفيق اهـ وأقره البرهان الحلبي في شرح المنية الكبير وكذا في الإمداد ثم نقل عن خط العلامة المقدسي ذكر الإمام أبو العباس القرطبي في كتابه في السماع ولا يظن من لا فطنة عنده أنا إذا قلنا صوت المرأة عورة أنا نريد بذلك كلامها لأن ذلك ليس بصحيح فإذا نجيز الكلام مع النساء للأجانب ومحاورتهن عند الحاجة إلى ذلك ولا نجيز لهن رفع أصواتهن ولا تمطيطها ولا تليينها وتقطيعها لما في ذلك من استمالة الرجال إليهن وتحريك الشهوات منهم ومن هذا لم يجز أن تؤذن المرأة اهـ قلت ويشير إلى هذا تعبير النوازل بالنغمة

رد المحتار لإبن عابدين ت1252ه (20/3) دار الثقافة والتراث

 

غیر محرم عورتوں سے بقدر ضرورت بات کرنا جائز ہے بلا ضرورت جائز نہیں ہنسی مزاق کرنے یا اس کا جواب دینے کی کوئی گنجائش نہیں، سخت گناہ ہے- بلا ضرورت دیکھنا بھی جائز نہیں حتی الامکان حفاظت نظر بھی ضروری ہے

احسن الفتاوی (40/8) ایچ ایم سعید

 

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