I am ... years old married male ,married against my will (parents pressure) since last 3 years and suffering from depression since last 3 years because of it , I have a 9 months old daughter but my sexual satisfation is not there , My wife really loves me but I unable love her back (never liked her face) I am emotionally destroyed because I really feel empty inside ,I am planning to do 2nd marriage and for this purpose I ask a girl at my office whom I really like (she likes me too) but she is saying that I should leave my wife behind or make an agreement with her that I will spend only one day a week and the rest 6 with my 2nd (probable) wife , I can't do this because I have heard that there is extreme punishment for inequality b/w wives and I am not that stone hearted to do so either , and now that girl has stopped talking with me and I am intense depression , I can't work at my office properly ,finding it hard to follow deen because my mind is seriously disturbed since last 3 years , I wish I could die right now because its really seems impossible for me to live like this and still following deen completely ,Plz make a dua for me and give me a solution
Thanks and Regards
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
You are married. Your wife loves you. She bore a child for you. You should change your mindset and condition to accept your present situation. No situation in life is perfect. You will experience challenges even in the most beautiful woman. While you complain about your wife’s appearance, what guarantee do you have that you will not have any complaints against another woman. Do not make the mistake made by many people by jumping from the pot to the frying pan.
You should change your mindset and condition your mind to accept and love your wife. Look beyond her outer appearance and skin and bring up the positive qualities and marvel her. Beauty is skin deep and not a permanent feature. Women undergo a biological change and their beauty is not long lasting. It will be short sighted of you to leave a secure situation with your wife and child and enter into unchartered territory, not knowing the challenges ahead.
It may be well be you realise that your sacrifices to remarry was not worth the while and you turn out to be the loser with greater grief and depression and more empty feelings.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Ridhwan Ur Rahman
Student Darul Iftaa
Cardiff, Wales, UK
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.