Category: Miscellaneous
Fatwa#: 37478
Asked Country: Saudi Arabia

Answered Date: Jan 24,2017

Title: Whom do I choose as my life partner?

Question

Assalamu Alaikum, Respected ulama E Haqq,
I would like to introduce myself for the perfect suggestion from you .Im 31 Years old DOB.07-10-1985,I have went in Jamat for 40 days and quite often do tableegh work whenever my mind and heart allows .I’m working as an Accountant  in Jeddah .I have not yet married ,Just a week ago  Got two proposals of marriage, one from My fathers close friend and  second  from my Fathers known friend .
My dads Close friend Daughter is very rich studying B.pharmacy 3rd year,her  father active member  for deeni works, My father insisting us to marry to her as there close friendship will become in relation  and also he is thinking  that in future i may get any moral or financial support which will be beneficial for me .My Mother is not all allowing to fix this match as the height of the girl is 5.2 and my height is 5.11 .And also the other reason is my mother thinking that if we marry unsuitable girl for future benefits  , fearing our relatives wil say that we are greedy.,
Another girl  She is also one of the daughter of Known Dad Friend  but not that much close , She is also from well respected family,Her father is Govt Employee and my yncles Childhood friend.Girls  uncle( Chacha)  is an Alim graduated from  Deoband, MashaAllah deendar person.  Girl  is doing Engineering 2 nd year as well  as pursuing  Alima 1 and 2 , My mother and sister are pleased to marriage this Alima girl as she is pursuing alima and also her heightis 5.4 and weight is good  and suitable to me compared to the first Rich girl.
Frankly speaking Respected Ulama . I’m so  confused to which girl I have to choose as my mInd and heart  sometimes saying to go by my fathers Wish  to marry that Rich girl as it would be beneficial for me in future as the present condition in Saudi Arabia is not good for expatriates to work and also fearing that my dads friendship will be ruined with my decision of not marrying her.
FEAR--Girl is rich and im simple If I marry her  I would have to afford more to satisfy her needs.
And also heart and mind saying to go by my mother and sister’s  wish and  Marry Alima as My Life will be good in following deen  as well as  her family financial status is same as we are middle class.
And also im confused that both the girls are 10 years younger than me . Is it allowed in Islam to marry such a younger Girl.
I would kindly request you to give me your valuable Advise and suggestion  in the selection of a pious bride which would be beneficial for me to have Afiat in my whole life and to follow deen and dunia.
Sorry for this much Long message and my poor English.
Very thankfull for giving this much time to read and also please Reply me soon as I have only 2 days time.
Jazakumullah Khairan…

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

We apologise for the belated response.

Marriage is a long-term relationship. Hence, every individual should marry according to his/her choice. On the other hand a person should not marry without consulting his/her parents and seeking their consent.

Rasulullah Ṣallallāhu ʿalaihi wa Sallam, advised those who are searching for a wife the following:

»تُنْكَحُ المَرْأَةُ لِأَرْبَعٍ: لِمَالِهَا وَلِحَسَبِهَا وَجَمَالِهَا وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ، تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ»

 

Translation:

A woman is married for four (qualities): Her wealth, her nobility, her beauty and her piety. Be successful (by choosing) a woman who is pious. May your hands be soiled (This is an Arabic expression meaning: I encourage you to do thus). (Bukhāri, no. 5090; Muslim, no. 3620)

A person should therefore give special consideration to the piety of a woman among other factors when choosing a wife.[2]

 

Nevertheless, it is important that there is compatibility between two individuals for a successful marriage. Shariah advises us to respect the opinions of our parents. Parents have a good vision in mind regarding their children’s future and would not refuse to allow their child to marry the person of his/her choice if they are certain that his/her decision was correct. As for your case, we advise that you should not hide how you feel from your parents. Explain to them how you feel about both of the girls in reference. If you feel shy to approach your parents, then address your situation to a senior person with whom your parents openly communicate He should thereafter try to address the issue with your parents. We strongly advise you to perform Istikhara . By making Istikhara one is directed by Allah towards the righteous path. In principle, one can marry any girl as soon as she has attained the age of puberty irrespective of the age gap between the girl and the boy.

Also, while making this effort of convincing your parents about the most suitable partner for you, continuously make Dua that Allah Ta‛ālā guide you and your parents in taking the right step.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Ibn Jibran Kadarkhan

Student Darul Iftaa
Mauritius 

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

_______________________

-[1]

 

رواه البخاري (5090) ومسلم (3620) وأبو داود (2047) والنسائي (3230) وابن ماجه (1858).

 

[2]

 قال الرافعي في المجلس الثالث عشر من أماليه: يرغب في النكاح لفوائد دينية ودنيوية، والفوائد المتعلقة بمطلق النكاح تحصل بنكاح أيّ امرأة كانت، ثم قال: فمن الدواعي القوية إليه الجمال، وقد نهى عن تزوّج المرأة الحسناء، وليس المراد النهي عن رعاية الجمال على الإطلاق، ألا ترى أنه قد أمر بنظر المخطوبة ليكون النكاح عن موافقة الطبع، ولكنه محمول على ما إذا كان القصد مجرد الحسن واكتفي به عن سائر الخصال، أو على الحسن التام البارع. (دليل الفالحين لطرق رياض الصالحين (3/ 228))

وقال الغزالي في الإحياء: وليس أمره -صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ- بمراعاة الدين نهيًا عن مراعاة الجمال ولا أمرًا بالإضراب عنه وإنما هو نهي عن مراعاته مجردًا عن الدين فإن الجمال في غالب الأمر يرغب الجاهل في النكاح دون التفات إلى الدين ولا نظر إليه فوقع النهي عن هذا. قال: وأمر النبي -صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ- لمن يريد التزوج بالنظر إلى الخطوبة يدل على مراعاة الجمال إذ النظر لا يفيد معرفة الدين، وإنما يعرف به الجمال أو القبح. (إرشاد الساري، شرح صحيح البخاري (8/ 22-23))

 

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