Category: Marriage (Nikah)
Fatwa#: 37034
Asked Country: United States

Answered Date: Nov 08,2016

Title: Can I tell my husband to stop forcing himself on me for now?

Question

  • I was wondering a very personal question. My husband is forcing me to have sex with him, so he can have another son. I do love children, but I do want to disappoint him by having another girl (We have three girls and one boy). Can I tell him to stop forcing himself on me for now? I am simply not ready especially after our miscarriage. Inshallah another son comes.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

 

There are two issues in your query:

  1.  Conjugal relationship
  2.  Husband wanting a son

Shariah has emphasized on the wife to co-operate with the husband in fulfilling his intimate demands. You should consider discussing the issue with your husband and propose temporary birth control. This will be a middle path in which you will not falter in fulfilling his intimate demands and allay your fear of having a child right now.[1]

 

 

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Ibn Jibran Kadarkhan

Student Darul Iftaa
Mauritius

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

[1]

حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ عَمْرٍو الرَّازِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا جَرِيرٌ، عَنِ الأَعْمَشِ، عَنْ أَبِي حَازِمٍ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ "‏ إِذَا دَعَا الرَّجُلُ امْرَأَتَهُ إِلَى فِرَاشِهِ فَأَبَتْ فَلَمْ تَأْتِهِ فَبَاتَ غَضْبَانَ عَلَيْهَا لَعَنَتْهَا الْمَلاَئِكَةُ حَتَّى تُصْبِحَ ‏"‏ ‏.‏

 

Abu Hurairah reported the Prophet () as saying “When a man calls his wife to come to his bed and she refuses and does not come to him and he spends the night angry, the angels curse her till the morning.”[ Adu Dawood: 2141]

 

حَدَّثَنَا هَنَّادٌ، حَدَّثَنَا مُلاَزِمُ بْنُ عَمْرٍو، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ بَدْرٍ، عَنْ قَيْسِ بْنِ طَلْقٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، طَلْقِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ إِذَا الرَّجُلُ دَعَا زَوْجَتَهُ لِحَاجَتِهِ فَلْتَأْتِهِ وَإِنْ كَانَتْ عَلَى التَّنُّورِ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ قَالَ أَبُو عِيسَى هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ غَرِيبٌ ‏.‏

 

Talq bin Ali narrated that The Messenger of Allah said:

“When a man calls his wife to fulfill his need, then let her come, even if she is at the oven.”

[Tirmidhi: 1160]

 

 

وَيُكْرَهُ لِلزَّوْجِ أَنْ يَعْزِلَ عَنْ امْرَأَتِهِ الْحُرَّةِ بِغَيْرِ رِضَاهَا؛ لِأَنَّ الْوَطْءَ عَنْ إنْزَالٍ سَبَبٌ لِحُصُولِ الْوَلَدِ، وَلَهَا فِي الْوَلَدِ حَقٌّ، وَبِالْعَزْلِ يَفُوتُ الْوَلَدُ، فَكَأَنَّهُ سَبَبًا لِفَوَاتِ حَقِّهَا، وَإِنْ كَانَ الْعَزْلُ بِرِضَاهَا لَا يُكْرَهُ؛ لِأَنَّهَا رَضِيَتْ بِفَوَاتِ حَقِّهَا، وَلِمَا رُوِيَ عَنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ - صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - أَنَّهُ قَالَ: «اعْزِلُوهُنَّ أَوْ لَا تَعْزِلُوهُنَّ إنَّ اللَّهَ تَعَالَى إذَا أَرَادَ خَلْقَ نَسَمَةٍ، فَهُوَ خَالِقُهَا» إلَّا أَنَّ الْعَزْلَ حَالَ عَدَمِ الرِّضَا صَارَ مَخْصُوصًا، وَكَذَلِكَ إذَا كَانَتْ الْمَرْأَةُ أَمَةَ الْغَيْرِ أَنَّهُ يُكْرَهُ الْعَزْلُ عَنْهَا مِنْ غَيْرِ رِضَا لَكِنْ يُحْتَاجُ إلَى رِضَاهَا أَوْ رِضَا مَوْلَاهَا (بدائع الصنائع،2/335,دار الكتب العلمية)

 

 

[فَصْلٌ وُجُوبُ طَاعَةِ الزَّوْجِ عَلَى الزَّوْجَةِ إذَا دَعَاهَا إلَى الْفِرَاشِ]

(فَصْلٌ) :

وَمِنْهَا، وُجُوبُ طَاعَةِ الزَّوْجِ عَلَى الزَّوْجَةِ إذَا دَعَاهَا إلَى الْفِرَاشِ لِقَوْلِهِ تَعَالَى {وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ} [البقرة: 228] قِيلَ: لَهَا الْمَهْرُ وَالنَّفَقَةُ، وَعَلَيْهَا أَنْ تُطِيعَهُ فِي نَفْسِهَا، وَتَحْفَظَ غَيْبَتَهُ؛ وَلِأَنَّ اللَّهَ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ أَمَرَ بِتَأْدِيبِهِنَّ بِالْهَجْرِ وَالضَّرْبِ عِنْدَ عَدَمِ طَاعَتِهِنَّ، وَنَهَى عَنْ طَاعَتِهِنَّ بِقَوْلِهِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ {فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلا} [النساء: 34] ، فَدَلَّ أَنَّ التَّأْدِيبَ كَانَ لِتَرْكِ الطَّاعَةِ، فَيَدُلُّ عَلَى لُزُومِ طَاعَتِهِنَّ الْأَزْوَاجَ.

 

وَلِلزَّوْجِ أَنْ يُطَالِبَهَا بِالْوَطْءِ مَتَى شَاءَ إلَّا عِنْدَ اعْتِرَاضِ أَسْبَابٍ مَانِعَةٍ مِنْ الْوَطْءِ كَالْحَيْضِ وَالنِّفَاسِ وَالظِّهَارِ وَالْإِحْرَامِ وَغَيْرِ ذَلِكَ، وَلِلزَّوْجَةِ أَنْ تُطَالِبَ زَوْجَهَا بِالْوَطْءِ؛ لِأَنَّ حِلَّهُ لَهَا حَقُّهَا كَمَا أَنَّ حِلَّهَا لَهُ حَقُّهُ، وَإِذَا طَالَبَتْهُ يَجِبُ عَلَى الزَّوْجِ، وَيُجْبَرُ عَلَيْهِ فِي الْحُكْمِ مَرَّةً وَاحِدَةً وَالزِّيَادَةُ عَلَى ذَلِكَ تَجِبُ فِيمَا بَيْنَهُ، وَبَيْنَ اللَّهِ تَعَالَى مِنْ بَابِ حُسْنِ الْمُعَاشَرَةِ وَاسْتِدَامَةِ النِّكَاحِ، فَلَا يَجِبُ عَلَيْهِ فِي الْحُكْمِ عِنْدَ بَعْضِ أَصْحَابِنَا، وَعِنْدَ بَعْضِهِمْ يَجِبُ عَلَيْهِ فِي الْحُكْمِ.

 

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