Category: Character, Morals (Akhlaaq)
Fatwa#: 25549
Asked Country: United States

Answered Date: Sep 19,2018

Title: What should I do about my parent`s ill behaviour?

Question

Asalamualikum warahmatulahi wabaraktuu ya Imam.. I just have a question that is putting so much fear in me from what I could possibly face from Allah.. My mother and father may Allah bless them Janatulfirdows are I don't kno how to say this but wallahi they are not good.. They always talk about people not only people but their children and husbands and kids subhnaAlah ya sheikh you don't understand they r my parents I don't want to make them sound evil, but I don't kno what bcuz of that reason I lost respect for them I talk back to them, I don't listen to them am soo scared for my life wallahi, I am a young girl who is waiting for a successful future, religious and obediant children, but I don't think I will have all that since am being disrespectful to my parents, I lost confidence, my self steem is law and its all bcuz of them.. Please help me with this is killin me especially at night I can't sleep, I always have flash back of how I treated them and it kills me inside walahi.. Please make duas for me am really sick and depressed about this.. P.s. being disrespectful to them is not my fault, they r the once who are treating me badly and to everyone, wallahi somehow they are not bad at all, even though they talk about us and everything walahi they still love us and want kheer for us.. I just wish they could change ..

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

As-salaamu `alaykum wa-ramatullahi wa-barakatuh.

Sister in Islaam,

We make Dua that Allah removes your difficulties, grant you courage to overcome them with a`fiya.

You mention that your parents do not treat you well and are hot tempered. You also mention that you feel guilty for your reaction to their conduct.

Almighty Allah says in the Holy Qur`an;

{وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا (23) وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا} [الإسراء: 23، 24]

“Your Rabb has ordained that you do not worship but him and you treat your parents with kindness. If one of them or both of them reach an advanced age, do not tell them “Uff” (any word of disrespect), neither should you scold them rather speak to them with soft and kind words. Be humble to them out of mercy and say, O My Rabb, have mercy on them as they nurtured me when I was an infant”.(Sura Israa, Verse: 23, 24)

Abdullah ibnu Mas`ood (Radi allahu anhu) asked Rasulullah ﷺ which action is most beloved to Allah, he replied, salaah on its prescribed time. Then he asked, what is next in line, Rasulullah ﷺ said;

بِرُّ الوالدَينِ

مختصر صحيح الإمام البخاري (1/ 183)

“Being kind towards both parents” (Saheeh bukhari).

If you feel they are doing something wrong, approach them with love and kindness and let your feelings be known to them. Perhaps they may take heed to your feelings and may correct themselves.

And Allah Ta`ala Knows Best.

Hussein Muhammad.

Student Darul Iftaa

Arusha, Tanzania

Checked and Approved by:

Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

 

 

 

 

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