Is it allowed for me to join the wedding of my sister or brother (family), when they plan dancing, loud music? (with no gender cegregation)
My mother tells me, that she will not forgive me when I dont do this and I will go to Jahannam. I dont need to be this kind of muslim. Are my parents allowed to force me?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We have analyzed your question, hereunder follows our response:
Shariah emphasizes the importance of respecting one’s parents. Always show respect to one’s parents. Do not let your religiousness effect your relationship with your parents.
Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) says:
و وصينا الانسان بوالديه احسانا
“And we have enjoined upon Mankind showing compassion to parents” (Surah al- Ankaboot, chapter 29, verse 8)
The aforementioned verse clearly advocates the importance of showing respect to ones parents.
Always examine yourself when dealing with one’s parents to see whether you have violated this cardinal principle or not.
Rasullullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) said:
فَالْزَمْهَا، فَإِنَّ الْجَنَّةَ تَحْتَ رِجْلَيْهَا
“Hold firmly onto her, for verily Jannah lies under the feet of the mother”. (Sunan al- Nasa’ie, Vol.6, Pg.11, Al- Matboo’aath al – Islamiyyah, second edition, 1406)
You state that your mother insists that you attend the wedding whereas there would be certain un-Islamic practices such as dancing, loud music, etc.
Explain to your mother the importance of obeying the dictates of the Shariah and the harms of disobeying and flouting the commandments of the Shariah.
It may be a good idea to obtain some booklets on the sins of music, intermingling of the opposite genders, dancing, etc and keep them within close proximity of your mother and siblings.
Employ Hikmah (wisdom) when dealing with one’s parents. Always be diplomatic in your approach towards your parents. You might have the right objective and aim in mind, but the method of conveying the message across maybe totally incorrect and not suitable to the situation. Always deploy wisdom when dealing with such serious matters.
Be diplomatic and tactful in your approach towards your mother and try to win her over rather than trying to be abrasive in your approach.
You state that your mother said she will not forgive you if you do not attend the wedding.
It is not permissible to obey one’s parents in any action/s which is not in conformance with the dictates of Shariah.
Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) said:
لَا طَاعَةَ لِأَحَدٍ فِي مَعْصِيَةِ اللَّهِ
“There is to be no obedience to anyone in the disobedience of Allah” (Jami Ma’mar Bin Raashid, Vol.11, Pg.335)
The above Hadeeth clearly expounds on the impermissibility of obeying anyone if it entails disobeying Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala).
It is not permissible for you to attend your brother’s or sister’s wedding if you are certain before the wedding that there will be certain un-Islamic practices such as dancing, Haraam intermingling, music and other Haraam activities.
Always keep the pleasure and respect of your parents a priority in life. By doing so, you will earn the ultimate pleasure of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala).
Du’aa is the weapon of the believer. Implore Allah (Subhanu Wa Ta’ala) to alleviate you from the predicament you are faced with. May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) change the condition of your family and align their lives towards the Mahabbah (Love) and Ridhwaan (Pleasure) of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala). Aameen.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Student Darul Iftaa
Durban, South Africa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
 سند الحديث : أَخْبَرَنَا عَبْدُ الْوَهَّابِ بْنُ عَبْدِ الْحَكَمِ الْوَرَّاقُ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا حَجَّاجٌ، عَنْ ابْنِ جُرَيْجٍ، قَالَ: أَخْبَرَنِي مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ طَلْحَةَ وَهُوَ ابْنُ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ طَلْحَةَ، عَنْ مُعَاوِيَةَ بْنِ جَاهِمَةَ السَّلَمِيِّ