Category: Marriage
Fatwa#: 24522
Asked Country: United Kingdom

Answered Date: Feb 27,2013

Title: I don’t have strong feelings for this girl. She is a good girl. I am not happy marrying her. What should I do?

Question

I don't have strong feelings for this girl. I don't love her in any way, whether physical or emotional. The only thing positive about this girl is that she is concious of her religion and reads her prayers. She is also very trustworthy. I had an imam do Istikara for me and advised that I should go ahead and marry her even though I don't like her. My parents abd her parents are very happy with us getting married. She is happy but not me. Advise me as to what I should do?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

As-salāmu ʿalaykum wa-raḥmatullāhi wa-barakātuh

Our noble teacher and guide, the Prophet Ṣallallāhu ʿalaihi wa Sallam, advised those who are searching for a wife the following:

»تُنْكَحُ المَرْأَةُ لِأَرْبَعٍ: لِمَالِهَا وَلِحَسَبِهَا وَجَمَالِهَا وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ، تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ»[1]

A woman is married for four (qualities): Her wealth, her nobility, her beauty and her piety. Be successful (by choosing) a woman who is pious. May your hands be soiled (This is an Arabic expression meaning: I encourage you to do thus). (Bukhāri, no. 5090; Muslim, no. 3620)

A person should therefore give special consideration to the piety of a woman among other factors when choosing a wife.[2]

Nevertheless, it is important that there is compatibility between two individuals for a successful marriage. As for your case, if you have a strong fear that by not been attracted to the girl you will not be able to fulfill her rights after marriage, it will not be correct for you to marry her.

If you marry her, you will be the one she is married to and she will be your partner and spouse, therefore your happiness is of foremost importance.

If you are not attracted to her in any way and you are not happy marrying her, it is advisable for you not to marry her. This would be better for you and her.

And Allah Taʿālā Knows Best

Mahmood Patel
Student, Darul Iftaa
Azaadville, South Africa

Checked and Approved by
Mufti Ebrahim Desai

www.daruliftaa.net

 



[1] رواه البخاري (5090) ومسلم (3620) وأبو داود (2047) والنسائي (3230) وابن ماجه (1858).

[2] قال الرافعي في المجلس الثالث عشر من أماليه: يرغب في النكاح لفوائد دينية ودنيوية، والفوائد المتعلقة بمطلق النكاح تحصل بنكاح أيّ امرأة كانت، ثم قال: فمن الدواعي القوية إليه الجمال، وقد نهى عن تزوّج المرأة الحسناء، وليس المراد النهي عن رعاية الجمال على الإطلاق، ألا ترى أنه قد أمر بنظر المخطوبة ليكون النكاح عن موافقة الطبع، ولكنه محمول على ما إذا كان القصد مجرد الحسن واكتفي به عن سائر الخصال، أو على الحسن التام البارع. (دليل الفالحين لطرق رياض الصالحين (3/ 228))

وقال الغزالي في الإحياء: وليس أمره -صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ- بمراعاة الدين نهيًا عن مراعاة الجمال ولا أمرًا بالإضراب عنه وإنما هو نهي عن مراعاته مجردًا عن الدين فإن الجمال في غالب الأمر يرغب الجاهل في النكاح دون التفات إلى الدين ولا نظر إليه فوقع النهي عن هذا. قال: وأمر النبي -صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ- لمن يريد التزوج بالنظر إلى الخطوبة يدل على مراعاة الجمال إذ النظر لا يفيد معرفة الدين، وإنما يعرف به الجمال أو القبح. (إرشاد الساري، شرح صحيح البخاري (8/ 22-23))

DISCLAIMER - AskImam.org questions
AskImam.org answers issues pertaining to Shar'ah. Thereafter, these questions and answers are placed for public view on www.askimam.org for educational purposes. However, many of these answers are unique to a particular scenario and cannot be taken as a basis to establish a ruling in another situation or another environment. Askimam.org bears no responsibility with regards to these questions being used out of their intended context.
  • The Shar's ruling herein given is based specifically on the question posed and should be read in conjunction with the question.
  • AskImam.org bears no responsibility to any party who may or may not act on this answer and is being hereby exempted from loss or damage howsoever caused.
  • This answer may not be used as evidence in any Court of Law without prior written consent of AskImam.org.
  • Any or all links provided in our emails, answers and articles are restricted to the specific material being cited. Such referencing should not be taken as an endorsement of other contents of that website.