Asalam aalaykoum wa rahmatou allahi wa barakatouh
Bismillah rahman rahim...
my name is .... , I am .... years old and I live with my mom and my brother in ..... My parents got divorced when I was 18 , and seperated when I was 21. My dad left us for another woman, ever since he left he never contacted me or my brothers i didn't see my father for 8 years. Almost a year ago Icalled my father because I know no maer what he will always be my dad. He cried and apoligized to me several times... when my mom found out she got mad at me and she didn't speak to me for 3 weeks. she made me promise not to speak with him because she says that he left us and never tried to contact us. I miss my father and I cry all the time eventhough what my father did to us hes still my dad and i love him and I hope I can see him again.. i want him to be in my life in my wedding in the futur inshallah and to see my futur kids. I dont want to loose my mother over my father.
What should I do ? please help me .... I told my mom wallah i wont speak with him again she forced me to promise her .. i don't know what to do please help me.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
As-salāmu ʿalaykum wa-raḥmatullāhi wa-barakātuh
Due to extreme emotion, we as human beings might sometimes find ourselves making decisions that are contrary to Shariʿah. It is here that as Muslims, we do not overstep the boundaries of Shariʿah to satisfy our emotions, no matter how intense they are. Therefore, even parents may sometimes err as they are human beings that experience emotions of various intensities.
What you feel regarding your father is correct, that no matter what, he is your father. Your mother wants you to stop all contact with your father due to her extreme emotion as a result of what has transpired in the past. However, it is not correct in Islām for you to sever ties with your father. When parents command their children to do anything that contravenes the Shariʿah, children are obliged not to fulfil their command.
Your mother should not have rebuked you for speaking to your father and it was incorrect for her to make you promise not to keep contact with your father in the future. Your mother should know that she is not acting in the best of your interests by asking you to sever ties with your father. You should explain this to her and tell her that if she desires good for you in this world and the Hereafter, she should allow you to keep in contact with your father. Just as we are commanded by Allah Taʿālā to respect our mother, we are also commanded to respect our father. Therefore, in general, to sever ties with one’s father is a grievous sin.
Explain all this to your mother and express to her your hurt and how you miss your father. Tell her that while you will always remain obedient and respectful to her, this is an issue that she should change her mind about for two reasons:
1) It is against the Shariʿah for her to command you to sever ties with your father.
2) She is not taking your well-being into consideration and being insensitive to your feelings by continuing to distance you from your father.
Do your best to make your mother understand what is correct, become sensitive to your emotions and relieve you from her incorrect demands that are causing you pain and hardship. Make constant Dua that your mother changes her mind. Be obedient to both your parents and make the following Dua in favour of them:
رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا
Azaadville, South Africa
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.