Category: Character & Morals
Fatwa#: 23606
Asked Country: Australia

Answered Date: Dec 26,2012

Title: How to mend a relationship?

Question

hello

 

well first i need to tell you my brother has a secret he likes to keep secret it is embarrising to him really embarrising and my family knows it.and my sister told her friend about the secret and her friend told her friends brother which is my friend about the secret and he told me is this secret about your brother true i told him who told you this he said your sister told my sister and my sister told my brother. i ignored him and when i went home i told my brother everything.my brother then went to my sister and said i hate you blah blah and my sister went to me angry you snitch and told her friend a sintch and know they hate each other and my friend noww hates me. did i do the wrong thing and what should i do

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

We have analyzed your question and understand your predicament.

Honor and dignity are the fundamental instincts of a Human Being which are passionately guarded and protected at all times. An incursion on the dignity and honor of a person is treated as a serious moral offence. Shariah guards the honor of a Muslim by prohibiting Gheebat (backbiting), slander (Buhtaan), etc and treats such actions very seriously.

You state that you divulged all that transpired between your sister and her friend’s.

Your brother would naturally be hurt if he were to hear of his secret being divulged in public.

It was incorrect and sinful for your sister to divulge your brother’s secret to her friend and so on. Her action falls under the purview of Gheebat (backbiting), which is a major sin in Islam. Similarly, it was incorrect for you to listen to the impermissible talk of your friend. Our pious elders have advised us that if the participants of a gathering begin to backbite someone, then one should immediately leave the gathering if it is not possible to stop the backbiting. Nevertheless, you state that your brother became angry at your sister and she in turn with you and her friend.

There are many ways to deal with this issue:

The very first step to mending a relationship is acknowledgment of your mistake and then to make amends for that through forgiveness and compassion. This is the most difficult and fundamental element of reconciliation.

Approach your sister in a very tactful manner and request her forgiveness. Always employ wisdom when dealing with close family members. Explain to her the importance of family ties and encourage her to reconcile with her brother and her friend. Explain to her the severe implications of not reconciling with one’s fellow Muslim and breaking family ties.

Explain to your brother the importance of family ties and the grave implications of breaking ties with family members. Also, encourage your friend to speak to his sister about the situation and tactfully bring about a reconciliation between your sister and your friend’s sister.

It might be a good idea to obtain some booklets on the importance of family ties and keep it within close range of your siblings. This might soften their hearts and allow them to reconcile with each other.

Du’aa is the weapon of the believer. Implore Allah (Subhanu Wa Ta’ala) to alleviate you from the predicament you are faced with. May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) allow your siblings to reconcile. Aameen.

 

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best                                       

Ismail Desai,
Student Darul Iftaa
Durban, South Africa

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

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