Asselamu aleikum : - Am a Muslim man and I got married for the wrong reason. To mention that my wife leaves in the US. She has a baby girl out of wedlock from a Christian man. She also told me she was involved with another Christian man and living with him for 3 years but did not conceive a child from him…such and such. Then I thought I will handle that and we got married with shria law and now she is pregnant from me a baby boy and soon she will be having a baby. I am not happy with her past and it’s really difficult for me to live with her past. I have got flash backs that whenever am thinking about her past, I feel disgust myself and hate her. I don’t think I will live with her like this anymore because my mind never accepted this marriage at all. I don’t know what happened to me.
Is it permissible in Islam to get divorced if you don’t love and respect your wife? How could I do this? I am totally confused.
Please I need help
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Alhamdulillah, brother you have found a woman who is honest enough to tell you of her past mistakes. It takes courage for someone to admit that she has not been living a righteous life.
Inspite of your wife’s past habit of having illicit relationships she had consented to marrying you and is now pregnant with your child. Now you are intending to give her talaq because of her past life. However, it appears from your explanation that you were adequately informed of your wife’s past experiences before getting married to her.
She was honest enough to reveal to you even her illicit relationship of 3 years with a Christian man from whom she did not conceive. She could have concealed that secret from you and you may have no way of discovering that.
After being fully informed of her past you thought that you could handle and tolerate her and you married her. After going through all of that now you are having a flash back of her past.
What about the flash back that you will have of your commitment to marry her, sleep with her and get her pregnant through the sacred institution of nikah? Now you do not want to dump her only, but to dump your child as well because of your own weaknesses.
You should consider this carefully. What about the commitment that you had made to her? How will you justify that in the Court of Almighty Allah? What about the well being of your child? You are leaving your child to live in a non-Islamic society without the father. Who will be there to guide the child in religious matters? What if the mother finds another partner? What will become of your child?
If you did not want to marry her then she should not be carrying your child. It seems that you first fulfilled your desires with her and now you are saying that you cannot manage it anymore. This is indeed a cowardly attitude.
If you made a mistake in your decision you should live with it. Why should your wife and your child suffer because of your mistake?
There are no grounds in Shariah to divorce your wife. It is the right of your wife and your son that you honour the commitment that you have made to them.
By carrying your child your wife is engaged in a great act of Ibadat. She is obedient to you. Her past sins are between her and Allah and have no bearing on you. Fear Allah and honour your commitment. You cannot dump your wife and child after satisfying your passions and desires with her.
It is clear that your nafs and Shaitaan are weighing heavily on you and overpowering your sense of justice and fairness. Control your nafs and seek refuge in Allah from your nafs and Shaitaan.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mawlana Saeed Ahmed Golaub
Westmoreland, Jamaica, West Indies
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved
Mufti Ebrahim Desai