Fatwa: # 19868
Category: Character & Morals
Country: India
Date: 17th March 2012

Title

I implore you further on my marital issues...

Question

Sir long back I wrote my problem to you in November and I got the response also from you. Before I further discuss my problem I request you to refer to the fatwa #19593.

I request you wholeheartedly to guide me because I really need your help. As discussed earlier to you that my husband himself forced me to leave my in laws home in Oct. Since then I tried calling him after 12 days but he told me now onwards don’t call me but the only thing I tell you is don’t cheat on me (means he was telling me that you do not get married to anyone) and he also told me if in future, one fine day if Allah Ta’āla wishes we will meet till then u live happily...since then till now Feb. he has not called me nor messaged me.

Every day I was somewhat confident that he may try to call but no response from him. My problem is I really love him I really find it very difficult to forget him. How come being my husband he can forget me like this. The circumstances when he forced me to leave home were really bad. My father told me it is better to end this relationship as he does not have any affection towards me. The very thought of getting divorced from him I feel like I will die as I can’t forget him I love him very much but my father is not wrong nor my feelings for him what should I do sir?

I also wanted to know when a girl gets married to someone whom she does not know but gives her love affection and does her best for that person to whom she calls him as her husband even I had many dreams to lead a happy life with my hubby but the only problem was he always misunderstood me, when will he come to know that I love him? When will he come know that for him if her mother and sisters are everything for whom he left me than what I am for him? It’s been a long time I did not talk to him nor saw him, please advise me on how to get my husband back but not divorce.

You will come to know about all my problems once you go through my previous question fatwa #19593 then please advise me what should I do, right now I am going for teaching in school whenever I see my friends happy with their husbands I bust in tears thinking about my life, please advise me.


Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

We are sad to hear about your situation. We make dua to Allah Taāla that He guides you in the right direction of life and grants you the blissful and happy life.  

After analyzing and observing your query, we come to a conclusion that your husband has abandoned you, left you to suffer and is not supporting you.

We understand you are seeking advice from us. Giving advice is a trust (Amānah) in Shariah.

It is narrated on the authority of Hazrat Abu Huryrah Radhi Allahu Anhu that Rasulullah Sallallāhu Alayhi Wasallam said, “The one who is consulted is entrusted”.[1

In order to fulfil the trust we will be straight forward and frank in advising you.

Your husband is not showing you any love or affection. He has left you for over 4 months without speaking or seeing you. He clearly has no interest in you. On the contrary, you love him; you waited for him to call for the last 4 months and you continue to show interest in him (as understood from the query). 

Love is an essential part of a marriage. For a marriage to prosper, love is necessary from both the spouses, love is not a one way road. You are blindfolding yourself and keeping yourself in the dark by making yourself believe that he will return to you one day. All the facts are contrary to what you make yourself believe. You have to care and love yourself before caring for and loving someone else.

There is no merit in your marriage. There is no hope of reconciliation. At the most, he will leave you in the state you are in and get married again and move on with his life leaving you behind to suffer (as mentioned in query # 19593). Ask yourself what kind of love is this? Am I doing justice to myself?

This may be bitter but it is unfortunately the reality of your situation.

You should consider involving elders from your family who you trust and contact the Ulamā body, and apply for Faskh (annulment) of your marriage .There are valid and sufficient grounds to annul your marriage. Give yourself the respect and care you deserve and move on with life.

Allāh will open up many doors of happiness for you. You have to have courage and move on. Remember after the darkness of the night is the brightness of the day. Never think darkness is eternal. Brightness and prosperity will soon follow if you push yourself forward.

Kindly refer to the link below for an article written by Mufti Ebrahim Desai on the topic of Problems faced by people:

http://daruliftaa.net/Mahmoodiya/problemswhy.html      

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Mufti Zaid M Shelia,
Student Darul Iftaa

Chicago, Illinois (USA)


[1]   حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو بَكْرِ بْنُ أَبِي شَيْبَةَ قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ أَبِي بُكَيْرٍ، عَنْ شَيْبَانَ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الْمَلِكِ بْنِ عُمَيْرٍ، عَنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: الْمُسْتَشَارُ مُؤْتَمَنٌ سنن ابن ماجه 2/1233 دار إحياء الكتب العربية

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