Fatwa: # 19826
Category: Character & Morals
Country: United Kingdom
Date: 9th March 2012


Ex-girlfriend has new affection, but still loved by old boyfriend. What should old friend do?


 I fell in love with a girl,who on start gave me hints,that she likes me,but later on ditched me say some or other reason,may be because she realized later that is due to our family background,i belong to an upper middle class(allhamdulilha) and she belong to lower class,because of that she may not get that kind of respect.so she ditched me stopped talking to me.

I went crazy ,and then went in to magic and all sort of stuff to get her back,but to no avail,in the end i went to parents of the girl to talk about marriage,hopefully its positive,but it all on the girl itself ,she also told me after that she is in a relationship with another guy. I dont care about what she says i love her a lot no matter how she behaves nowdays.

She is on my mind 24/7,even in namaz,cannot concentrate on anything dammn thing.please help me,am just waiting for my masters to be over and to get a job to face them for the final answer of her and her family. please help i got no mental peace even after praying.


In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. 

As-salāmu `alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

The Shariah prohibits free mixing between ghair mahrams (men and women with whom marriage is permissible).  It is forbidden to have intimate relationship outside of marriage.   

From the outset you should understand that every form of promiscuous interaction with the opposite gender out of marriage is haram. This is a clear ruling of Shariah.

Allah (Subhana Wa Ta’ala) says that you should not come near to zina.[1]

Apart from zina being a sin, staying away from it is a means of protecting ourselves from emotional turmoil. You yourself are an example of this. Look at the emotional turbulence  you are in. 

If you had followed Shariah you would not have been trapped as you are now.

Use this as a lesson from Allah (Subhana Wa Ta’ala). Make taubah and repent and make niyyah to change. 

You have sought permission from the girl’s parent to get married to her. Everything is based on taqdeer.

If the girl is meant for you, well and good, if not accept it. 

Allah (Subhana Wa Ta’ala) says that at times it is possible that you may dislike something whereas that is not good for you.[2]

Do not follow something that is beyond your control. It is like wanting to jump to the sky

And Allah knows best.

Mawlana Saeed Ahmed Golaub
Westmoreland, Jamaica, West Indies
Student Darul Iftaa


Checked and Approved 
Mufti Ebrahim Desai



[1] { وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا الزِّنَا إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاءَ سَبِيلًا} [الإسراء: 32]

[2] {كُتِبَ عَلَيْكُمُ الْقِتَالُ وَهُوَ كُرْهٌ لَكُمْ وَعَسَى أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ وَعَسَى أَنْ تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ } [البقرة: 216]

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