Fatwa: # 19755
Category: Character & Morals
Country: Europe
Date: 13th February 2012

Title

I have been in a relationship with a boy for two years. What should I do?

Question

I am yet a young teenager but class myself as a young adult. I have got myself into a relationship which I have been in for more than two years. My feelings for the person are extremely strong and only Allah knows how I feel towards him. During this time we committed zina more than once knowing it was wrong. I feel extremely guilty about this and have committed myself to not do it again. I am trying in every possible way to repent and Alhamdulillah my iman has gotten a lot stronger. We really want to have a future together so are doing everything we can to repent. We have stopped seeing each other and sharing affectionate words, but occasionally speak to each other. I find it really hard to not speak to him yet I still want a future with him. What shall I do?

Answer

 

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. 

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Alhamdulillah, we are pleased to know that you realise that you were indulged in sin and that you have repented from these this unlawful interaction and fornication. We commend you for your perseverance and determination in abstaining from committing these sins again. Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wasallam is reported to have said:

 

طُوبَى لِمَنْ وَجَدَ فِي صَحِيفَتِهِ اسْتِغْفَارًا كَثِيرًا

 

Translation: “Glad tidings are for the person who finds abundant invocations for forgiveness recorded in his book of deeds.” 

You are in your youth. This is a very confusing period in everyone’s life. This is partially due to peer pressure, hormonal imbalance and society as a whole. You may class yourself as a young adult, but until you venture into the world alone, you won’t know what kind of place the world is. You may have all these plans and ideas in your head about what you want to do, who you want to become, but the reality is that life is not a simple fairytale. It’s a dog eat dog world out there. You may classify yourself as a young adult based on which you think you are ready for a long term relationship. But the reality is that a number of ‘adults’ have grown up too early and are struggling to stand on their own two feet.

You say that you ‘love’ this boy. People spend their whole life looking for love and they never find it. Other people are lucky; they fall in love straight away and remain that way. We are not implying that you don’t love this boy and that he does not love you. Ponder and think deep if you are prepared to take such a big leap and make such a big commitment at this point in your life? 

If you think that you are genuinely in love with this person and you think that he genuinely loves you, and you think that you are ready to commit to each other for life; then you should approach your parents and tell them about your feelings. If you are not comfortable doing this yourself, tell one of your siblings or relatives and request them to inform your parents. Tell them that you wish to get married to save yourselves from committing sins. You do not have to tell them about your sexual encounters. Whatever your parents say, listen to them. If they tell you that you are too young, or they think that you are not ready for marriage, then listen to them. They have your best interests at heart. If they agree and say that they are happy for you to get married, let them continue the process. If they say that they are happy for you to get married but at the same time feel that you are too young, tell them that you are willing to have a Nikah without the rukhsati. This way at least you will be able to interact with the boy lawfully.

Regardless of what your parents say, you should refrain from contacting this boy any further and you should continue to make sincere tawbah and istighfar.  

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

 

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net

DISCLAIMER - AskImam.org questions
AskImam.org answers issues pertaining to Shar'ah. Thereafter, these questions and answers are placed for public view on www.askimam.org for educational purposes. However, many of these answers are unique to a particular scenario and cannot be taken as a basis to establish a ruling in another situation or another environment. Askimam.org bears no responsibility with regards to these questions being used out of their intended context.
  • The Shar's ruling herein given is based specifically on the question posed and should be read in conjunction with the question.
  • AskImam.org bears no responsibility to any party who may or may not act on this answer and is being hereby exempted from loss or damage howsoever caused.
  • This answer may not be used as evidence in any Court of Law without prior written consent of AskImam.org.
  • Any or all links provided in our emails, answers and articles are restricted to the specific material being cited. Such referencing should not be taken as an endorsement of other contents of that website.
The Messenger of Allah said, "When Allah wishes good for someone, He bestows upon him the understanding of Deen."
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]