Fatwa: # 19748
Category: Character & Morals
Country: Canada
Date: 4th February 2012

Title

Is it necessary to reveal my defect to my potential spouse?

Question

, I regularly wear a topi with my attire almost everywhere I go. And I would like to continue the same when I go to see a prospective spouse-i.e. dress the way I normally do in a topi , kurta or jubbah.  However my problem is that I have lost quite a bit of hair and I don’t want it to seem as if I am wearing the topi to hide my balding.  So I was wondering what approach I should take.  On one hand, I want to maintain my regular appearance and maintain the sunnah attire-but on the other hand I also don’t want to cause any misconceptions or hide anything. 

Is it feasible to remove the topi mid-way during the meeting (which seems kind of awkward) or is it better to send a picture to the potential spouse’s family beforehand (which may also be problematic)?  Is there any alternative practical approach I can take.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh. 

Sharīah has taken into consideration one’s personal choice in choosing a marriage partner.  An individual may get attracted to a person’s appearance which forms the basis of one’s choice in marriage.  It is not practical to live permanently with someone not having the desired appearance.  Therefore, Shariah has advised the prospective spouses to see each other prior to the Nikah.  When one does not see his/her prospective spouse, this may lead to the spouses not being satisfied with each other which will be contrary to the spirit of Nikāh being love and affection. [1] This is what is meant in the following Hadīth:

Hadhrat Mughīrah bin Shubah (Radhiyallāhu Anhu) proposed to a lady for marriage.  Nabī (Sallallāhu Alaihi Wa Sallam) advised him as follows: 

“Look at her as this is more likely to create love between the two of you.” (Sunan At-Tirmidhī, Hadīth No. 1087) [2]

It is morally incorrect for you to conceal your hair loss from your prospective wife.  You may simply inform her beforehand of your condition.  You do not have to remove your topi in the meeting.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Mawlana Abdul Azīm bin Abdur Rahman,
Student Darul Iftaa
US

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net



[1]  (فَإِنَّهُ) أَيْ النَّظَرَ إِلَيْهَا (أحرى) أي أجدر وأولى والنسب (أَنْ يُؤْدِمَ بَيْنَكُمَا) أَيْ بِأَنْ يُؤَلِّفَ وَيُوَفِّقَ بينكما قال بن الْمَلِكِ يُقَالُ أَدَمَ اللَّهُ بَيْنَكُمَا يَأْدِمُ أَيْ أَدْمًا بِالسُّكُونِ أَصْلَحَ وَأَلَّفَ وَكَذَا آدَمَ فِي الْفَائِقِ الْأَدْمُ وَالْإِيدَامُ الْإِصْلَاحُ وَالتَّوفِيقُ مِنْ أُدْمِ الطَّعَامِ وَهُوَ إِصْلَاحُهُ بِالْإِدَامِ وَجَعْلُهُ مُوَافِقًا لِلطَّاعِمِ

والتَّقْدِيرُ يُؤْدَمُ بِهِ

فَالْجَارُّ وَالْمَجْرُورُ أُقِيمَ مَقَامَ الْفَاعِلِ ثُمَّ حُذِفَ أَوْ نُزِّلَ الْمُتَعَدِّي مَنْزِلَةَ اللَّازِمِ أَيْ يُوقَعَ الْأَدْمُ بَيْنَكُمَا يَعْنِي يَكُونُ بَيْنَكُمَا الْأُلْفَةُ وَالْمَحَبَّةُ لِأَنَّ تَزَوُّجَهَا إِذَا كَانَ بَعْدَ مَعْرِفَةٍ فَلَا يَكُونُ بَعْدَهَا غَالِبًا نَدَامَةٌ (تحفة الاحوذي, ج 4, ص 175: دار الكتب العلمية – بيروت)

 

[2]  1087 - حَدَّثَنَا أَحْمَدُ بْنُ مَنِيعٍ قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ أَبِي زَائِدَةَ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنِي عَاصِمُ بْنُ سُلَيْمَانَ هُوَ الأَحْوَلُ، عَنْ بَكْرِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ المُزَنِيِّ، عَنْ المُغِيرَةِ بْنِ شُعْبَةَ، أَنَّهُ خَطَبَ امْرَأَةً، فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «انْظُرْ إِلَيْهَا، فَإِنَّهُ أَحْرَى أَنْ يُؤْدَمَ بَيْنَكُمَا» وَفِي البَاب عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ مَسْلَمَةَ، وَجَابِرٍ، وَأَبِي حُمَيْدٍ، وَأَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، وَأَنَسٍ «هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ» وَقَدْ ذَهَبَ بَعْضُ أَهْلِ العِلْمِ إِلَى هَذَا الحَدِيثِ، وَقَالُوا: لَا بَأْسَ أَنْ يَنْظُرَ إِلَيْهَا مَا لَمْ يَرَ مِنْهَا مُحَرَّمًا، وَهُوَ قَوْلُ أَحْمَدَ، وَإِسْحَاقَ "، وَمَعْنَى قَوْلِهِ: «أَحْرَى أَنْ يُؤْدَمَ بَيْنَكُمَا» ، قَالَ: أَحْرَى أَنْ تَدُومَ المَوَدَّةُ بَيْنَكُمَا (سنن الترمذي, رقم الحديث 1087: شركة مكتبة ومطبعة مصطفى البابي الحلبي – مصر)

 

DISCLAIMER - AskImam.org questions
AskImam.org answers issues pertaining to Shar'ah. Thereafter, these questions and answers are placed for public view on www.askimam.org for educational purposes. However, many of these answers are unique to a particular scenario and cannot be taken as a basis to establish a ruling in another situation or another environment. Askimam.org bears no responsibility with regards to these questions being used out of their intended context.
  • The Shar's ruling herein given is based specifically on the question posed and should be read in conjunction with the question.
  • AskImam.org bears no responsibility to any party who may or may not act on this answer and is being hereby exempted from loss or damage howsoever caused.
  • This answer may not be used as evidence in any Court of Law without prior written consent of AskImam.org.
  • Any or all links provided in our emails, answers and articles are restricted to the specific material being cited. Such referencing should not be taken as an endorsement of other contents of that website.
The Messenger of Allah said, "When Allah wishes good for someone, He bestows upon him the understanding of Deen."
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]