Fatwa: # 19561
Category: Character & Morals
Country: Pakistan
Date: 10th November 2011

Title

How do I deal with my family problems?

Question

Hope you are fine sir. I’m in a social problem which a couple of sisters in Islam face. My mother in law has stressed me out since the day I got married. My husband is a beautiful person inside out. It’s his second marriage to me and my husband has come to realize that his mother is overly possessive about him and extremely jealous of me. She was also jealous of the first wife and she made false accusations against her and told all the other members of the house lies about her and now falsely accuses me.

My husband has come to realize this after his marriage to me. He doesn’t want to disrespect his mother so he talks to her very less. She is a very very controlling woman and my father in law cannot utter a word against her as she just throws a fit. I have heard and seen with my own ears how crookedly she has been acting with me. I have been married for three years now and my husband and my relationship ends up in fights because of her. Nothing in the house can be done without her consent. She has done so much to me that it’s too long to write. I have spent days and nights crying.

I have been telling my husband everything. Now my husband wants to give me a separate house and I have heard her cursing us. It’s very sad. I want to know that is my husband doing anything wrong? What just moves me is that she is extremely nice to me in front of the family, otherwise I always hear her talking bad about me. I tried my best to be nice. But is it my duty to serve them? I only do it for my husband’s happiness. Because he keeps me happy. But mufti sahib I’m under severe depression. My family is far far away and none of them can visit me because of her.

Please advise me what to do of my mother in law who is always lying and my husband has come to realize this and is very upset. Being jealous and accusing someone wrongly is haram in Islam.

Please give me a dua so that I can easily move out of the house. All she does is curse. It’s heart breaking. I want to start my family life and a stress free life with my husband in privacy. We cannot even call our friends because it is not our house. I’m finished after the amount of lies she has spoken about me. I’m very very upset.


Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

We appreciate you taking the time to write to us. 

Sister we sympathize with you on the present circumstances that you are facing. Indeed it is a great challenge that you have been tested with. Allow us to put things in perspective.

Allah Ta’ālā in his infinite wisdom and mercy has created human beings. What he desires from us is that we live a life in conformity to his commands. When we live a life in conformity to the commands and wishes of Allah Ta’ālā then this does not benefit Allah Ta’ālā in the least, rather the one who solely benefits is you and I. Allah Ta’ālā has given us such a beautiful Deen that not only do we make our hereafter by means of it, but at the same time our own comfort and ease lies in this very same Deen. When a person understands that his/her purpose in this world is something so much more greater than to merely live and pass the normal stages of life but rather to attain the pleasure of his/creator, then the realities of this life are quite clear in front of him. 

We advise you to obey the commands of Allah Ta’ālā since this should be given the highest priority in any Muslims’ life. Many times a test or hardship that we face in life is a work of our own hands. When we are not obedient to Allah Ta’ālā then he tests us with different types of trials in order that we turn back to him and obey his commands.

One of the greatest injunctions of Allah Ta’ālā is Salaat. The importance of Salaat in a believer’s life cannot be over expounded upon. One Hadith of Nabi salallāhu alayhi wasallam mentions that the distinction between a person and disbelief is leaving Salaat. So when a believing person leaves salaat he/she can understand the gravity of such an omission.

This is just one injunction of Allah Ta’ālā. We should now gauge how much of our life is in conformity to the laws of Allah Ta’ālā. We should use these phases in life to question ourselves that in which way is there some sort of deficiency in my obedience to Allah Ta’ālā. What action of mines could it be that is causing such circumstances to prevail over me? We should reflect and understand that today is this test tomorrow it is standing in the court of Allah Ta’ālā and facing the consequences of our deeds in the hereafter. Definitely no test or trial could ever equal even an iota of the hardships and sufferings of the hereafter. So when such trials in this life are so severe how much more should I worry about the consequences of my actions in the hereafter? This is what is termed as a “wake up call”. It is as if Allah Ta’ālā is telling us that “Oh my slave fear me and turn in my obedience.” This is one aspect that we should never lose sight of at any time. 

Sister as a wife your duty is to serve your husband. You should be very particular of this. Many Ahādith emphasize the importance of this duty. Definitely in the pleasure of your husband lies the pleasure of Allah and in the anger of your husband lies the anger of Allah. You should do your utmost in trying to keep your husband happy. If you see that something is a barrier in fulfilling your duties to your husband then you should examine this factor. If you feel that by you living in a separate home from your mother-in-law would better help you in doing this, then this is a legitimate request. If your mother in law is not happy with this decision then your husband should try to explain the reason behind this decision. If your mother in law is still not happy about this and hurls abuse at you and your husband, then you and your husband whilst maintaining her respect should remain silent.

You should always try to adopt this policy with your mother in law. If she is abusive then try to avoid her presence as much as possible. Where circumstances do not permit then show some tolerance and remain silent. 

We make dua tha Allah Ta’ālā guides you and makes all your affairs easy.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Mawlana Ali bin Cassim
Student Darul Iftaa
Los Angeles, CA (USA)
 

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Hussain Kadodia.
www.daruliftaa.net

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