Fatwa: # 17340
Category: Character & Morals
Country: Pakistan
Date: 19th November 2008

Title

My wife does not want to live with my mother

Question

My first question is:

I'm married person with a child (female) of two years. Other family members are my mother, father has passed away, and two young brothers. One is in sweden for higher studies and other is doing his job supporting our mother. What are the rights due on me to support my mother? I mean there is phrase saying that "On your earning there will always be first right of your parents. You should give your salary to them." What are the actuall hadith is in suppport? We are living in a home on rent and mother is living with the brother in other house.

Allhmdulillah I got enough earning at the end of the month to support my family. But what method I should adopt as before getting married it was my rutine to give all my earning to my mother, but right now my wife is saying that only if your mother needs... you should respond, otherwise your brother is taking good care of her.

Please guide me as my past rutine was set, how should I manage this part as I too love my mother so much but she expect more from me.

2nd question is:

My wife don't want to live with my mother as it helps alot to save some amount. I've given my wife seperate house, it really killing me but I cannot take any step as she says "it my right to live seperate"

 

 

Answer

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh

There are two aspects regarding your question:

1)      Maintaining your mother.

2)      Your wife’s right to her privacy

You state that before your marriage you used to maintain your mother. That is commendable. There is no person more deserving of your care, love and support than your mother.

Nabiصلي الله عليه و سلم said: 

عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه قال  

  جاء رجل إلى رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم فقال يا رسول الله من أحق الناس بحسن صحابتي  قال  أمك  قال ثم من  قال  ثم أمك  قال ثم من  قال  ثم أمك  قال ثم من  قال  ثم أبوك   

Narrated from Abu Huraira رضي الله عنه; that a man came to Rasululah صلي الله عليه و سلم and said “Oh messenger of Allah, who is most worthy of my cordial conduct? He said “Your mother”, Then who? “Your mother”, replied Rasululah صلي الله عليه و سلم, Then who? (For the third time) “Your mother” said Rasululah صلي الله عليه و سلم, Then who? “Your Father.” (Bukhari)

In the above Hadith the importance of the mother is clearly expressed.

Now you are married. You have a responsibility to maintain your wife and your family. If your mother is staying by your brother; it is incorrect to force the entire burden on him. You should enquire from him whether he has the means to cover all his expenses and also what you should contribute towards the expenses. Your income belongs to you, not your wife. Therefore you should make her understand that just as you have to maintain her, you have a mother to care for.

Regarding your second query, refer to the following article.

And Allah knows best

Wassalam

Ml. Zakariyya bin Ahmed,
Student Darul Iftaa

Checked and Approved by:

Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa 

 


I want to live separate

Q.I am a newly-wed wife and still trying to come to terms with my new role and circumstance. I personally feel that my husband and myself would be a lot happier if we were staying on our own rather than in the home of my in-laws. This is not to say that I am being ill-treated but rather I would feel much more at ease if I had more privacy especially considering that my brother has younger brothers also at home. From the viewpoint of the Shari'ah, what rights do I have in this regard? Also, briefly tell me the basic rights of the wife.May Allah reward you.

 

A.While the religion of Islam propagates the loyalty of the wife to the husband, it also greatly emphasizes on the rights of the wives.

The Qur'an and Ahaadith are replete with such injunctions. Sura Nisaa (S4) and Sura Talaaq (S65) of the Qur'an specifically discuss the rights of women. In the light of the Qur'anic injunctions and the Ahaadith of
 Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم), the Jurists have outlined 3 basic rights of the wife.

  1. Shelter
  2. Food
  3. Clothing

The above are the basic necessities of every living individual. However, since the domestic duties (nurturing of the children and caring for the husband) will occupy the wife fully, it is now Fardh and the sole responsibility of the husband to provide the wife with the above three necessities.

Just as it is Fardh for the husband to read Salaat and to fast, it is also Fardh to fulfill the rights of the wife. Similarly, just as it is a major sin to be negligent towards the rights in Salaat and fasting in Ramadhaan, so too it is a major sin to be negligent towards the rights of the wife.

If a person treats the injunctions of Salaat and fasting lightly, it leads to Kufr, so too, if he treats the injunctions of the rights of the wife lightly.

Allah Ta'ala says in the Qur'an Kareem

"And provide them shelter where you stay and do not harm to frustrate them". (S. 65 V. 6)

When a man divorces his wife, he must provide her shelter during her Iddat. Even when the marriage has deteriorated, the husband has to provide her shelter. How much more important it would be upon him to fulfill the obligation during the normal marriage period. The verse clearly indicates that the husband must provide shelter for the wife. This is to protect her belongings and her privacy. However, the Jurists have mentioned that the financial situation of both partners should be taken into consideration in fulfilling her rights. If the husband and the wife (her parents) are of a financially high class, then the wife is entitled to a completely separate house. If they are of a financially middle class, then she is entitled to an apartment that is a room in a house with separate kitchen, toilet and bathroom. If they are of a financially low class, then the wife is only entitled to a separate room. It is not permissible for any person of the house to enter her room without her consent. She is not entitled to a private kitchen, toilet and bathroom. She will have to share these facilities with the other members of the house (Shami Vol. 2).

Since the financial situation of every individual differ according to his income, expenses, etc. therefore it is difficult to precisely specify a ruling without intimate knowledge of the financial situation of the specific case. Every individual must fear Allah Ta'ala, understand his obligation and fulfill it accordingly. The husband will be answerable to Allah if he failed in carrying out his duty in fulfilling the rights of the wife. If the husband is of a high or middle financial ranking, he cannot impose upon his wife to stay in the same house of the parents. If she stays with them on her own wish and accord then it is her choice.

Especially, cases where the parents are very emotionally attached to the son (or grandchildren) or are in need of the Khidmat (care) of the son; should the wife make a personal sacrifice, she will then receive great reward. However, she cannot be compelled.

And Allah Knows Best.

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

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