Fatwa: # 15691
Category: Marriage (Nikah)
Country: Pakistan
Date: 26th September 2007

Title

Mother in law wont let me cook for my husband!

Question

i want to cook for my husband and my mother-in-law says that its her right to cook for everyone and i dont have any right to cook for my husband. i want to know if that is true

2- also if i insist on cooking for my husband then am i disobeying her or being rude to her

my mother-in-law is very rude to me , by rude i mean saying all sorts of things about my parents, my brothers and sisters and on everything i do with my husnband, also forbidding me everything even if its right, i cant even put a glass by my self at any other place than she ordered, she makes thing and my words into a big something i didnt say and tries infinitely to turn my husband against me but she is nice infront of everyone, so i wanted to ask you that

i- if i ask my husband to get seperated or for some other solution is it wrong of me

ii- by giving me my right is my husband disobeying his mother, if she gets angry with him for that

Answer

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful  

Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh

It is a great quality to have this eagerness to cook for your husband and keep him happy.  May Allah always keep your marriage blissful and keep it safe.  You should discuss your situation with your husband and explain to him your desire to cook for him.  By desiring and insisting on cooking for your husband you are not disobeying your mother-in-law nor are you not committing any sin.  Such an action is not considered to be rude.

Marriage is the coming together of not only two people, but two families.  To keep ties and stay in harmony is part or marriage.  However, as a wife you are bound to serve your husband only.  Your duties and rights are in relation with him and not you in-laws.  It is a virtuous deed to be kind toward your in-laws and help them in their daily lives, but it is not incumbent upon you to serve them.  Therefore, you should try to the best of your ability to get along with your mother-in-law.  Be gentle with her and help her out in the kitchen while sheʼs cooking and other daily chores.  Adopt methods of winning her approval.  It might seem hard in the beginning, but good character and patience will change her attitude toward you and eventually she will start treating you more kindheartedly. 

If it seems too difficult to bear, you may ask you husband for separate accommodations.  The financial status of both husband and wife will be taken into consideration on the level of accommodation.

Therefore, we advice you to discuss this matter with your husband and figure out what is the best solution.  Do not keep your feelings hidden from him, and express to him openly how you feel.  Inshallah by mashwera, the existing problem will be solved.

And Allah knows best

 

Ml. Ehzaz Ajmeri,
Student Darul Iftaa

Checked and Approved by:

Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa

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