Fatwa: # 15071
Category: Character & Morals
Country: United States
Date: 19th April 2007

Title

My problem is that i am not a virgin and I am afraid to tell my future husband that who ever it maybe.

Question

I am a 24 year old muslim girl who is wanting to get married soon.  I have done  a lot of wrong things in the past that I feel bad about.  My problem is that i am not  a virgin and I am afraid to tell my future husband that who ever it maybe.  I'm really afraid that i won't be wanted and I am ashamed of my wrongdoings.  I just want to start my marriage of  clean with no worries.  Allah(swt) is the one who forgives sins, so do I have to tell the person that I marry that I am not a virgin?  I am really scared and worried.  Shouldn't we ask Allah(swt) for forgiveness and leave it at that?  PLease give me some advice.

Answer

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh

There are three aspects to this query:-

a)      Forgiveness

b)      Virginity

c)      Informing potential husband

At the outset, you must understand that we are human and are bound to err. We commit errors and fall prey to Shaytaan. Rasulullah ( sallallahu alayhi wasallam ) said “every human being commits sins but the best of sinners are those who repent”. You have committed an error and seek forgiveness for your error by Allah. You should be sincere and remorseful over your sin and make a firm determination never to repeat such a sin in the future. Certainly, Allah will forgive you for Allah says “Do not become despondent of Allah, surely He will forgive all your sins”.

If you have a marriage proposal it will be necessary to inform the boy of your condition. Marrying a chaste woman is an honour and pride for a man. Hiding your condition from a potencial husband the time of the proposal is tantamount to deceit and deception which is Haraam (prohibited). Rasulullah ( sallallahu alayhi wasallam ) said “whoever deceives is not from my Ummah”. You should therefore be upright and clarify your condition. You should state that you have repented since and you are remorseful over your error. This attitude will protect you from many misunderstandings that could come up in the future and would cause a great amount of distress and trauma to you.

You should not become depressed if your proposal is refused. Keep your attention towards Allah, Inshallah a suitable partner will propose.

And Allah knows best

 

Checked and Approved by:

Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa

DISCLAIMER - AskImam.org questions
AskImam.org answers issues pertaining to Shar'ah. Thereafter, these questions and answers are placed for public view on www.askimam.org for educational purposes. However, many of these answers are unique to a particular scenario and cannot be taken as a basis to establish a ruling in another situation or another environment. Askimam.org bears no responsibility with regards to these questions being used out of their intended context.
  • The Shar's ruling herein given is based specifically on the question posed and should be read in conjunction with the question.
  • AskImam.org bears no responsibility to any party who may or may not act on this answer and is being hereby exempted from loss or damage howsoever caused.
  • This answer may not be used as evidence in any Court of Law without prior written consent of AskImam.org.
  • Any or all links provided in our emails, answers and articles are restricted to the specific material being cited. Such referencing should not be taken as an endorsement of other contents of that website.
The Messenger of Allah said, "When Allah wishes good for someone, He bestows upon him the understanding of Deen."
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]